Panic
by JoBee 1
Summary: Wolf has been Cub's guardian for a few months now, and in all that time, Cub hasn't even lost his temper. So when he has a panic attack, Wolf isn't just surprised... he's out of his depth. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Somehow, I think if Anthony Horrowitz had meant for Wolf and Cub to get together, Wolf might have been made a more central character, maybe? Just a suggestion. Obviously, Alex Rider isn't mine.

**Warning:** This story does contain slash, but nothing more than kissing is mentioned. If that bothers you, don't read.

* * *

Panic

Somewhere in the back of his mind a nagging voice suggested that this was _not_ a good idea. He had his arms wrapped around his fifteen-year-old _ward_, despite being ten years older than him. As he closed the distance between their lips, Wolf realised that he didn't care.

Cub – or Alex, his real name – was, after all, no ordinary fifteen-year-old. Not emotionally. Emotionally, he was more mature than most adults; MI6 had clearly got him a good psychiatrist. It didn't excuse the fact that they were using – abusing – a teenager, but it at least made him feel slightly better about it. And in Wolf's mind, someone who was old enough to identify and shoot several different guns and had been forced to watch people die was certainly old enough to make up his mind about a relationship.

As deep brown eyes lovingly stared up at him – although they wouldn't be staring _up_ for much longer, judging by the rate at which his ward was shooting up, like a beanstalk – his caresses increased in speed and passion. Physically, Wolf acknowledged whilst sliding his tongue past soft lips into Cub's mouth, he was still young; his handsome features were not yet entirely stripped of the softness of youth. And whilst Wolf couldn't deny that Cub was attractive, he also knew that he didn't want to go too far. Kissing, at least for a few more years, would have to be enough.

And so, completely ignoring the irritating voice in the back of his mind, he carded his fingers through his ward's hair, and felt him respond eagerly. He brought his hands around to either side of his ward's head, holding onto him and shifting so that he they were no longer side-by-side, and he was on top... and that was when it when it went wrong.

Alex's tongue suddenly withdrew, and he pulled away, pushing Wolf back. "Alex?" Wolf asked. His ward's brown eyes were almost impossibly wide and panicked, his breathing too fast, and Wolf realised that he was trembling. "Alex? Hey, kid, what's wrong? You okay?"

He didn't respond verbally, but at the sound of Wolf's voice he started breathing even faster, and scrambled off the couch, as though trying to get away from him. As he backed away, the normally athletic youth stumbled unsteadily, as though he were drunk, and put a hand to his chest. Wolf watched, bemused and more than a little worried, as Cub backed into the far wall, visibly shaking, even from a distance. "Alex? Calm down kid, and tell me what's wrong. Kid?"

The last word was said with something approaching panic, as Cub's panicked face twisted in pain and he clutched at his heart – right where the old bullet wound was. In an instant, Wolf was beside him, grabbing his shoulders. "Alex, look at me." He told the boy, gripping his shoulders tight in his own panic. The unfocused eyes _did_ glance up at him for a moment, and Wolf could see a faint sheen of sweat already covering Cub's face. The fear seemed to intensify as he realised how close Wolf was to him, and once again, Cub twisted away, bringing his foot up in a clumsy kick.

It was the kick, which had clearly been intended for his face, and the sloppy way in which it was delivered that made Wolf realise what the real problem was. Watching his gasping, choking ward stumble away unsteadily, his face white and drawn in terror, Wolf realised that Cub was afraid – afraid of him.

---

Alex gasped desperate choking breaths and felt his chest tighten in fear as the man advanced on him. "Look at me." The voice commanded, from a huge distance, and he could stop his eyes from being drawn upwards to where the man stood, his face only a few inches from his own, out of focus and with a blurred double on either side. He sucked in another desperate breath to try and counter the sickening spinning in his head, and lashed out at the man with his foot, aiming to break the man's nose. Instead, his foot missed completely, not coming into contact with anything at all.

Even so, he felt the fingers loosen their grip on his shoulders, so he staggered away from the man, desperately trying to gasp in enough oxygen to make the vertigo stop. It didn't work, and Alex abruptly felt himself go cold, his body tingling painfully and his heart clenching each time he took a desperate gasp of air, sending waves of pain through his tight chest. He realised that he couldn't run, not like this, and panic washed over him in even greater quantities as he thought about what the man would do to him.

The panic only made the dizziness worse, and the room, which had been blurring and doubling alternately, suddenly tipped. Unbearable heat flashed though his body, contrasting with the earlier coldness, and Alex retched painfully, spasms heaving through his body. As the nausea increased and his lungs constricted further, his mind slowly fumbled to the only logical conclusion; the man must have spiked his drink, leaving him completely unable to defend himself. The man was going to....

---

As a part of the SAS, Wolf had been told about the symptoms of a panic attack, even though Snake was the unit medic. He had also been told how to treat them, and the first thing that he was supposed to do was removed the object that had caused the attack. Except, of course, that that object was undoubtedly him, and he couldn't leave Cub alone. As he dithered, uncertain of what he should do for the best, Cub tilted alarmingly, and carried on going, hitting the floor with a thud and starting to throw up.

Between choked gasps of air, Cub wheezed, "Don't, please don't do it again. I don't _know_ anything else."

Wolf had to do something. Purposely speaking softly, calmly, Wolf said, "Cub, it's me, Wolf. No-one's going to hurt you kid; you're safe. I've got you." He approached cautiously, very slowly, speaking softly all the time. Reaching Cub's violently shaking form, curled up tightly on the floor, Wolf said, "It's alright, Cub, it's only me. You're okay, kid, everything's alright. I've got you – Wolf's got you." He rubbed reassuring circles on his ward's back, and started counting. "Breath in for me, Cub... 1...2...3... And out...that's it...2...3... Breath in, nice and deep...2...3...And out...1...2...3... Do it for four now kid...1...2..."

Cub uncurled and turned a sweat-covered, pale face towards him, seeing Wolf properly this time. "Can't breathe." He gasped. "I'm suffocating..."

"Just breathe slowly for me, Cub, Alright?" Wolf told him, desperately trying to sound calm and in control when in reality he was anything but. He lifted the boy bridal style and walked him over to the couch where he sat the boy on his lap and held him upright so that he could breathe properly, all the while reminding the kid that it was him who was there and counting breaths.

The wheezing and shaking seemed to go on forever, and Wolf couldn't help but put a hand on Cub's heart to try to and feel his heart rate, which was still pounding far too quickly. Cub was in the grips of a full-blown panic attack, and Wolf had no idea what to do, or even if his presence made things worse.

---

Alex knew that he was suffocating, dying, and panic and pain swept through him at the thought. As if from a great distance, he heard a vaguely familiar voice calling him. "No-one's going to hurt you kid; you're safe. I've got you." It said, and then faded out again, like bad T.V reception. "I've got you – Wolf's got you." He heard the voice come back into focus again, closer to him, and became aware of a ghostly hand rubbing circles on his back, which couldn't be right, could it? He was on a stone cold floor, with that man getting ever closer, and the very thought made his chest tighten even further.

Desperately, he gasped out to the dream image, knowing he was going mad, and not caring, "Can't breathe - I'm suffocating..." Black spots danced in front of his eyes, and he realised that he was dying. Swamped with fresh fears, he listened to the dream voice, trying to pull himself back towards it. He tried to count his breaths like the voice told him, but it was hard... he didn't want to die.

Gradually, he clawed his way towards the voice, and found Wolf holding his body, still rubbing circles on his back and counting. Gradually, the choking breaths turned into gasping sobs, and at some point, Cub had grasped hold of Wolf's shirt and had buried his face into it.

---

Wolf was panicking himself as he listened to his ward continue to gasp in desperate, fast breaths. Cub needed to snap out of it soon, but Wolf was doing everything that he could think of to calm the terrified boy down, with no effect. Finally, after about half an hour, Cub started to cling to Wolf like a three-year-old and sob heart-wrenchingly, and Wolf continued to rub his ward's back and count, even though he knew the panic attack had pretty much abated, because he didn't know what else to do, or how to deal with tears.

Cub still hadn't stopped shaking, even though the worst was over. His heartbeat had slowed down, although it was still too fast, and his ward had recognised him and was pressed tightly against him now, smothering his face in Wolf's chest as the sobs wracking his body. In between sobs he continued to gasp for air, only for it to come rushing back out of him in a new round of tears.

Wolf started rocking him, holding him tightly as he spoke slowly and gently, "You're okay, kid, you're alright. I've got you. I'm right here. You're safe." He tried as hard as he could to reassure the kid, but try as he might, he couldn't think of the last time he had looked after a kid like this. The closest he had ever got was his baby niece, whom he passed back to her mum the moment she started crying. He was completely out of his depth, and he found himself wishing for Snake. Snake would have been able to deal with this so much better than he could, although Snake didn't know that Cub was living here – probably still saw him as the kid that was going to get the entire unit binned.

Cub sobbed for almost an hour before the huge, shuddering sobs started to quieten, and he regained enough composure to manage a shaky, trembling apology. "Suh...Sssorry."

Wolf brushed back damp hair from his face, and gently kissed the sweaty forehead, making a hushing sound. "You don't need to talk, kid, it's alright."

His ward didn't seem convinced, and rather than relaxing as he had intended, the kid tensed, and lifted a tear-stained face from his chest to look up at him, his gorgeous brown damp and tinged with redness from the tears. "I'm sorry." He repeated again, "Dd....didn't mean to... I made yuh... your ssshirt all wet..." Wolf looked at the apologetic eyes, the red nose and the trembling lips. It was true; the front of his shirt was completely drenched in salty wetness.

Wolf leant away from his ward and pulled of the shirt quickly in a single fluid movement, and caught a glimpse of renewed fear in Cub's eyes as he pulled away. Tossing the useless shirt of the floor, Wolf gathered Cub back into his arms, running a finger down the tear-tracks on the kid's cheeks, before gently kissing the trembling, red nose and each of his salty, delicate lids. "I don't care about the shirt, kid." He murmured into the boy's ear. "It's alright. Just relax. I won't let go of you until you tell me to."

This time, the kid did relax a little, although he could feel residue tension in the way Cub clutched at him. Despite that, in less than ten minutes the kid was asleep, curled up on Wolf's lap, with his head resting against his guardian's bare chest. Wolf continued to caress him, rubbing slow circles on his back as he listened to the boy's soft regular breathing. When Wolf eventually put his hand back over Cub's heart, he felt the steady rhythm of his heart, pumping blood slowly around his heart. Counting the beats for a minute, Wolf finally stopped panicking, as he confirmed that Cub's heart was back to normal.

Reaching an arm over to his mobile without disturbing his sleeping ward, Wolf dialled Snake's number. Snake picked up quickly "Hey, Wolf." He didn't seem surprised that Wolf had phoned, or, if he did, the Scottish accent hid it well.

Never one to beat around the bush, Wolf clasped his sleeping ward to him with his free arm and said, "I need to know everything you know about panic attacks."

"Err... sure. What was it about?"

"I'm not sure. My ward just up and freaked out on me. It's taken me two hours just to calm him down."

"Your _ward_? Since when have you had a ward?"

"A few months. Look, Snake, I can't explain now. He's asleep; I need to know what to do before he wakes up again. I'm out of my depth here Snake."

"Alright, I'm coming round." Snake answered, suddenly all professionalism. "If he wakes up before I get there..."

"No!" Wolf's voice had risen without him noticing it, and he felt Cub shift. Quietly, he continued speaking. "That's probably not a good idea Snake. Earlier, when he started panicking, he lashed out at me. I've finally got him to calm down; he doesn't need any stranger scaring him."

"Right. Okay. Is he on medication for something? Was this his first attack? Is he normally quite stressed? Any mental problems?"

Snake's questions upset him, although he wasn't quite sure why. "No... He's the most stable kid I know. I've never seen him get mad, or stressed, or anything. Right up 'till now I thought he was the least neurotic person I knew."

"Right. If you don't mind me asking, why is he with you? Do you know anything that might have traumatised him? Has he ever seen a psychiatrist?"

Wolf gave a hollow laugh. "The kid's probably seen more than I have, Snake, and that's saying something. But right up 'till now he seemed perfectly normal – real mature. I figured MI6's psychiatrist must be bloody good."

"MI..." Snake trailed off, and then said something completely different. "In that case, talk to him – and take him back to the psychiatrist. They might be able to give him some medication to stop it happening again."

"Right. Thanks Snake. I'll call you later." Ending the call, he looked over his ward again, and finding the kid still calmly sleeping, he flicked through the TV channels, trying to find something to watch. Eventually, he settled on a nature programme. Normally, it would bore him to tears, but he figured that this way, when Cub woke up, there would be nothing on screen to frighten him.

Eventually, though, he couldn't prevent himself for growling irritably at the TV, "Enough on bloody dragonflies already! Can't you film sharks or man-eating Venus fly-traps or something?"

He felt a small movement from his lap, and glanced down, to find that Cub was awake, and had managed a shaky smile at him. When he realised that Wolf had seen him, however, the smile dropped off his face in an instant, and his eyes darted nervously around the room, taking in the chair that had been tipped over, although for the life of him Wolf couldn't remember it, and the vomit on the floor. The kid bit his lip anxiously, twisting his finger in his lap and looking at Wolf with brown eyes filled with shame and guilt. Ever so gently, Wolf reached out to brush the strands of fair hair that had fallen across the kid's face.

Cub broke the silence with another nervous apology, "I'm so sorry, Wolf, really I am. I just panicked. I didn't mean to push you away or anything, I swear, or mess up your room. I really am..."

His voice abruptly died away as Wolf gently pressed a finger against his lips. Silent, he stared up at Wolf, wondering what Wolf was going to say.

"It's alright, kid." Wolf assured him. "I'm not offended; I know you didn't mean it." Ruffling the fair hair fondly, Wolf asked. "Are you alright now? Have you calmed down again?"

Alex nodded emphatically, and reached up to kiss him, as they had been doing what seemed like centuries ago. Still holding him, Wolf pulled back slightly, and Cub stopped, confused. He didn't say anything, but his eyes asked the silent question.

"You don't need to prove anything to me, kid. It's alright. You don't have to, not now. Give yourself some time first."

"I don't need time." His ward answered, and went to lean forwards again. Wolf held him still.

"You do." He told him. "Whether you think you're fine or not, you still need time, and I need to know what happened. Do you want to tell me about it?"

Suddenly, Cub was straining to move the other way, shaking his head definitely no as he tried to back away from the question."

"Okay, okay." Wolf soothed. "I'm not going to push you for answers, Cub. Who's your psychiatrist?"

The kid had started to relax again, but at the question, he looked confused and a little wary again. "Your psychiatrist." Wolf repeated patiently. "What's the name of your psychiatrist? He must have missed something last time you came back from a mission."

"I don't have one."

"You haven't seen a psychiatrist?" Wolf practically roared. "You've never seen a psychiatrist after all the shit they make you do?" Realising that Cub was breathing a little too fast again, his eyes wide, Wolf made an effort to calm down, at least on the outside. "Bloody hell, kid. I'm so sorry. If I'd have known, I'd have sorted those MI6 bastards out ages ago. I'm going to phone them now, and get you to see one now, today."

When Wolf went to stand up, Cub prevented him. "I don't need a psychiatrist." He said. "I'm not crazy." His eyes were begging, anxious, and despite what he'd said, Wolf realised that his charge genuinely was worried that he was going crazy.

With infinite care, Wolf removed Cub hands from round his waist. "I didn't say you were, kid. We all go and see psychiatrists at the end of a mission. I've seen mine several times, and it helps a lot Cub. Jeez, without my psychiatrist, I wouldn't be half as normal as you are, kid, but that doesn't change the fact that you need one."

"Please. I don't want to talk to some stranger about it." His hands had gone limp now, and Wolf could tell that if he decided to dial the number, Cub wouldn't stop him. But despite Wolf's tough guy image, he couldn't do that to the kid he loved more than anyone.

Wolf slumped back down on the sofa. "Alright Alex, I'm gonna make you a deal. Today, right now, I need you to talk to someone about it. I don't care whether you talk to me, or you talk to a psychiatrist. And then, whatever happens today, I'm going to organise remedial sessions once a week. You've got a lot that you need to talk to a psychiatrist about. If it will make you feel better, I'll come with you, but you need it."

The brown eyes stared into his eyes for what felt like an eternity, and clearly, eventually, they found something they could trust. Hesitantly, Cub asked, "Do you mind if I just talk to you, today? If that's alright, I mean...If you don't mind..."

Wolf squeezed his ward's hand. "Of course I don't mind." He reassured the younger man. "I'll ask questions...and if you can, you answer them, okay? If you start to feel panicky again, let me know." Cub nodded. "Okay... so, what did I do that made you panic?" Seeing the look on his face, Wolf said, "It doesn't matter, Cub, you won't offend me. I need to know to stop it happening again."

Swallowing, Cub answered. "It was when you moved on top of me...It felt like you were trapping me, and I couldn't move...and your hands were around my head so I couldn't even move my head...It was like when..." And then, quickly, Cub clammed up.

"Has someone done something like that to you before?" A nod. "Were you on a mission?" Another silent affirmative. "What was the mission about?" He asked, and Cub looked up from his inspection of the pattern on the sofa, seemingly surprised that Wolf wasn't pressing for details of what had happened.

Once again, Wolf was struck with his ward's maturity when the boy spoke, quietly, but calmly. "They asked me to get involved with the Islamic Jihadis; the terrorist group. I was called Abbad – the name means great worshipper."

Wolf vaguely remembered reading about the Jihadis whilst on leave once – a huge scandal because the supposedly 'pious' terrorists were involved with child pornography. Suddenly, Wolf remembered that Cub _was_ a child, and his heart skipped a beat. Trying to keep calm, Wolf asked in a slightly strangled tone. "Did they try to... rape you?" Suddenly looking away again, Cub nodded silently, inspecting the seam of his jeans.

Wolf was filled with quiet horror. The kid had been raped, and he'd just.... Wolf felt like the worst kind of person. Suddenly, Cub looked up again, the brown eyes damp with unshed tears. "I killed him. The third time, one of the handcuffs wasn't tight enough, so I hit him. I pushed his nose back into his brain, and he died. It was the first time that I'd actually killed someone like that. I've pushed people off of things, and like with Dr Grief, I've... but I'd never killed someone like that before."

The tears overflowed, pouring out of his eyes and down his cheeks. "I couldn't help it, I just didn't want it to happen again, and I..." His throat closed up, and he cried, shaking again, unable to look up at Wolf through the shame.

Wolf reached over and tilted the boy's head so that he was looking at Wolf. Tenderly, Wolf leant forwards and kissed the younger man's soft, salty lips. Shocked, Cub stared at him. "You don't...hate me?" He asked, incredulously.

Wolf shook his head, and kissed the surprised lips again. "No, I don't think I could ever hate you kid. What you did to him...It was self defence. I love you kid. I wouldn't ever hurt you like that."

Brown eyes stared up at him, trusting, hopeful. "I know." His ward told him, and hesitantly drew closer, seeking out comfort. Once more, Wolf wrapped his arms around the fifteen-year-old, drawing him close to his chest, and he felt Cub's arms slowly wrap themselves around him. Wolf kissed the top of Cub's soft head, and breathed in Cub's scent. He loved the boy. And if he had to wait his whole life, and never get any further than this...well, that was alright.

* * *

**A.N. **Can I just make it clear that the 'Islamic Jihadis' reference is not an attack on Muslims. I know lots of lovely Islamic people, and hardly any Muslims are that extreme.

So...what did you think? This is my first attempt at anything vaguely romantic, so please let me know what you think?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

_His legs were trapped, cuffs on his ankles, and however much he struggled, Alex couldn't get free. He didn't have long until He returned, and so he just kept struggling, harder and harder, whimpering as he rubbed the skin around the cuffs until it was bleeding and painful. The blood trickled gently down his feet, and Alex twisted harder, knowing the blood would make his feet more slippery and make easier to get the cuffs off. _

_As he struggled, he heard the sound of His footsteps, and the door opening. He came in, slow steps bringing him closer and closer as Alex struggled. _

_Something was shaking him, and he opened his eyes, aware that his feet were still trapped in the twisted bed covers. Wide-eyed and sweating, he looked up into his guardian's dark eyes and screamed._

---

The psychiatrist that MI6 had sent him to was a man in his early fifties. The man had grey, slightly curly hair and a kind expression. Everything about the man was sensible; a sensible grey suit, with an ordinary striped tie and plain black shoes. His office was neat and comfortable; a dark wood desk with a vase of slightly wilted flowers, a picture of him with a woman and two children that were clearly his own, and a picture of a beach at sunset to pride of place on the wall. In a bookcase in the corner were stacks of files, and on the table in front of the man lay a brand new file with his own name ALEX RIDER printed on the side.

Mr Harvey was, apparently, MI6's best. As Mrs Jones had explained, it was important that Alex got the best, although he doubted that that was for his benefit. He rather suspected that the idea of him having a panic attack in the middle of a mission had been their real drive in getting him seen.

Nevertheless, the day after his panic attack, he was standing outside the psychiatrists door, knocking. As he walked in, the psychiatrist was getting up, ready to shake his hand. "Hello, hello!" The man said, a little too cheerfully. "I'm Mr Harvey." He said, offering his hand. Alex took it, reluctantly, frowning when he realised that he was expected to say something.

"You already know my name." Alex pointed out. "It's on the side of the folder on your desk."

"Yes, yes." The little man said, waving the point away as if it was a matter of no importance. "Still, I like proper introductions. They give things the proper sort of atmosphere, don't you think?"

When Alex once again chose to say nothing, he gestured to the comfy chair in front of his desk and said, "Come and sit down, Alex." He bustled around to the other side of his desk, where he proceeded to push his glasses back up his nose, a habitual gesture left over from his days as the school librarian and bookworm.

"So, Alex, how do you feel today?"

"Fine."

"No anxiety, no flashbacks, no worries?"

"No."

"Excellent, excellent. I'm glad to hear it, Alex." Mr Harvey smiled across at Alex and patted the file on the desk fondly, rather like it was his child. "Now, Alex, I've got all the details from your missions, and your briefings and we'll talk about those in due course, we've got plenty of time for all that – but first, shall we talk about yesterday?" He shot another smile across at Alex before resting his hands on his desk, and to Alex it felt as though he was following instruction from the psychiatrist's manual on how to communicate with patients.

"So, Alex, what were you doing when you started to panic?"

"I was sitting with Wolf, err, I mean, my guardian, on the sofa. He got too close, I guess, and I panicked." Alex said, unwilling to go into details of exactly what they were doing.

"Why did that panic you?"

"It reminded me of when I was with the Jihadis. It felt like I was back with them again, and they were trying to rape me."

Mr Harvey nodded encouragingly. "How did you feel about the man who raped you, Alex?"

"Well, angry, I suppose, and scared. He'd leave me alone in between his visits, and I'd just hope that he'd leave me alone and that he would come back." In his mind, he remembered the leering face and the shudders of disgust at his touch. It wasn't simple anger that he felt at the memory, it was hatred, irrational and powerful, like a bull might feel upon seeing a red cape.

Mr Harvey nodded benignly, and once again patted the folder, showing where he'd got the next bit of information from. "And you killed him."

Silently, Alex nodded, remembering what he'd done clearly, even through the haze of fear and desperation.

"How do you feel about that?"

Alex twisted his fingers in his hands as he thought about the awkward question. Finally, he mumbled, "I shouldn't have done it." A small part of his mind denied it, ignored the horror that paralysed the rest of his mind and bayed for the man's blood.

"I see, I see." Mr Harvey nodded thoughtfully. "How do you feel about your guardian? What was it that you called him?"

"Wolf. It's his SAS code name."

"Yes, yes, we'll talk about that later." Mr Harvey said, nodding kindly again.

"Well, I'm grateful, I guess. He looks after me. I like him. He's nice."

"I see. MI6 asked him to look after you, didn't they? Does he remind you of that, perhaps make you feel unwanted, or awkward about it? Does he perhaps seem like he doesn't want you around much?"

"No. He's a good guardian."

"I see. You met in Wales, didn't you? He was the leader of the group you trained with. This little folder of yours –" Mr Harvey gave it an appreciative glance "- seems to suggest that the unit made you feel unwelcome. How did your guardian treat you then?"

"They didn't really want me in their unit, I guess. I think they thought I would get them binned, and they thought I was just their as a sort of holiday, I think."

"I see. They resented you, yes? Perhaps that was the reason for the names? 'double o nothing' and the like?" Alex could only shrug. He and Wolf hadn't really talked about it; they just agreed that that was in the past.

"Describe your guardian to me. He's not a tall man, is he? Perhaps a little taller than you?" And you, Alex thought bitterly. "But powerful, I expect? Strong?" Alex nodded. "And you call him Wolf, don't you? It's quite an intimidating name, isn't it? It seems to me, Alex, that asking your young ward to call you 'Wolf' is rather odd. It suggests that perhaps you have failed to build up a relationship with your guardian."

"It isn't that odd." Alex objected.

Mr Harvey nodded again, and leant forward confidentially. "Do you feel intimidated by him, Alex? He is, after all, a soldier. He has bullied you in the past. It would be perfectly understandable to fear him. Is that perhaps the reason for your panic attack? Were you afraid that he might, perhaps, hurt you?" Mr Harvey's insincere smile hit Alex's face like a battering ram.

---

"Hey, Cub?"

"Yeh?" The kid glanced up through blonde hair that had fallen haphazardly across his eyes. He'd been in the midst of doing his homework, and had seemed calm all day – all week, actually – but that didn't stop Wolf feeling guilty.

"Do you remember when I mentioned seeing the guys – you know, my unit?" Wolf said, tentatively.

"Yeh. It's tonight, isn't it?"

"Well, it is, but if you'd rather I didn't go, if you'd rather not be on your own, then –"

The kid waved an ink-stained hand in the direction of the door. "Go, Wolf. I don't mind." He stood in the kitchen doorway, undecided, and Cub noticed. "Wolf, I'll be fine. I used to be left alone a lot before Ian hired Jack, and I was only about seven then."

He remembered, then, that Cub wasn't a normal kid, and sighed. "If you need me, I've got my phone."

"'Kay." Cub agreed absently, already flicking through his English set text. Wolf walked over and ruffled the blonde hair.

"Don't work too late, Cub."

---

Fox plonked the first round of beers on the table and said appreciatively, "This place does better quality beer." It was probably the only thing about the pub that was better quality; the prices certainly weren't cheap.

"Why are we at this place anyway Wolf? You told me this place was way too expensive." Eagle asked, grabbing the fullest pint glass.

"It is." Wolf growled whilst glaring at the blackboard with the drinks prices chalked up in fancy lettering. "The beer is bad enough, but it's charging _six quid_ for a cup of coffee."

"That's no ordinary coffee." Fox told him, smirking. "I watched him pour a cup; he does this funny thing with orange peel. We should all get a cup next round."

"No we shouldn't. _I'm_ supposed to be paying for the next round, and you guys aren't worth twenty four quid." Snake piped up, giving Wolf a searching look over his pint. "Did you leave your ward alone? Is _that_ why we've come here? So you're close if he has another episode?"

Wolf took a swig from the beer. "Something like that." He agreed. "And it wasn't an episode. My ward isn't mentally retarded, Snake. He's just been through some… stuff."

Eagle's mouth dropped open of its own accord. "You have a _ward_? Why did nobody ever mention it to me?" Next to him, Fox was doing a much better job of hiding his shock – but then, that shouldn't come as a surprise; that was the reason that Fox was the James Bond wannabe, not Eagle.

"Don't feel bad. I only found out about a week ago." Snake said, giving Wolf a pretty pointed look.

Wolf supposed he should have told them, and said as much. "He's only been with me a couple of months, and it just never came up." He shrugged again, and stared into the amber liquid, rather than looking at his friend's faces.

"Why are you his guardian, anyway?" Snake enquired. "And how has a kid got anything to do with MI6? Are his parents both spies?

"You know what? I haven't asked." Wolf said, neatly dodging actually answering. Who said Fox was the only half-decent liar in the group.

Eagle patted his head fondly. "Only you wouldn't think to ask, Wolf. Don't look at him like that, guys, it's not Wolf's fault. He's just not the brightest crayon in the pack, you know? Fell off the obstacle course onto his head one too many times." Fox and Snake roared with laughter at the memory, ignoring Wolf's glare.

He was still glaring when Eagle cheerfully announced, "We're coming over to see him tomorrow, Wolfie-boy. Expect us at twelve, for lunch." It was just as well that he was already scowling, because Wolf had to restrain himself from getting up and hitting Eagle. He and Cub had never really talked about Brecon Beacons, and he didn't want to remind him of the experience either. The last thing he needed was for K-unit to meet Cub.

---

Wolf got home that night to find the house absolutely quiet. The kitchen was dark and empty and when Wolf flicked on the light he discovered that the sides were clean and all Cub's homework had been cleared away. Then the dishwasher pierced the silence with an impatient, high-pitched 'Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep.' And the feeling that something was wrong intensified. Cub was a light sleeper – he wouldn't have slept through the dishwasher's noise. Not only that, but the dishwasher should have finished its cycle half an hour after Wolf had left, well before Cub went to bed. It was only then that he noticed the absence of Cub's usual empty hot chocolate mug. Wolf hadn't known Cub to ever go to bed without having it.

He walked up the stairs at a deliberately normal pace, refusing to worry just yet. After all, Cub was a capable kid, and there were no signs of a struggle. But when he opened Cub's door, the curtains were wide open and the light from a nearby street lamp gently permeated the otherwise dark space, revealing the neatly made bed and the pile of school books in the corner of the room. Then Wolf caught sight of Cub's mobile, carefully placed in the centre of the pillow. Perhaps Cub had known that this was the first place he would come looking.

He practically ran back downstairs to the kitchen, knowing that if Cub had left anything, it would be in here, and wondering why he hadn't seen anything earlier. The single piece of paper was on the fridge door, underneath a magnet, and Wolf pulled it off the door.

_Wolf,_

_Blunt called and asked me to do him a favour. It couldn't wait until you got back, apparently. Sorry._

Wolf snarled and picked up the phone, punching MI6's number in. It rang twice, and then an automated voice said, "You have reached the Royal and General Bank. We are sorry, but there is no one here to answer your call. Please phone back between the hours of eight o'clock to six any week day, and nine o'clock to five at the weekends…"

He put down the phone slowly, and turned back to read through the note again. He remembered Cub's terrified face. _"Did they…try to rape you?"_…_ "I couldn't help it, I just didn't want it to happen again"_ Somehow, Wolf found his way to the table, and sat down heavily. He'd sworn to himself that he wouldn't let it happen again, and he'd gone out for a drink when they came for him. He wasn't going to get any sleep tonight.

* * *

**A.N. **Sorry about this chapter – it's a filler, I know that, and a pretty bad one - things will get better though, scout's honour! (I never was a scout, actually, but the point still stands.)

Also, just to clarify: 'mentally retarded' is not meant to offend or insult those with mental health problems – it just seemed like something Wolf would say.

**Thanks** to CJ and EriKa for their advice, and to everyone who reviewed, favourited or story alerted this fic – much appreciated. Also, Alo Amicus pointed out some spelling errors – thanks, and sorry if there were any in this chapter too – I'm beta-less, and for some reason spellcheck didn't pick them up *glares at computer*

Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N. **I'm really sorry about the gap between chapters. I had mocks this week, so I've spent a lot of time revising, and writing really bad timed essays. So if this reads like I'm chucking everything I know (and some things that I've made up) down on paper as fast as I can… well, that would be why. Sorry. Still, work experience next week, so things may improve… or not. I won't finish until about 6.30, and then I've still got to get home, so yeh… we'll see. I'm going to shut up now, and it's probably for the best…

Chapter Three

Snake had agreed to pick Fox and Eagle up to stop Eagle from being late; he'd be late to his own funeral if he had a choice. He'd picked up Fox too so that his ruse wasn't as obvious. Consequently, they arrived at twelve thirty, because, despite Snake's best efforts, Eagle had still managed to make them late. When they arrived, however, it was clear that Wolf wasn't exactly desperate to see them. He opened the door with a hopeful expression that instantly turned into a glare when he saw that it was them. Despite that, he stepped back from the door and let them in.

Eagle bounced through the door. "So… where's the kid?" he asked, stopping once he'd checked the kitchen and the living room and confirmed that both were empty.

"I don't know." Wolf answered shortly, and Fox looked at the shadows underneath his friend's eyes and the one-day stubble on his face.

"Don't know as in –" Fox started.

"As in _your_ bloody lot has taken him and shipped him off to god-knows-where!" Wolf snarled, his face centimetres from Fox's, and Fox took a step back, despite the height difference.

"My lot? Do you mean MI6? But why have they taken him?" Fox asked, his face clearly showing his confusion.

Wolf shoved a piece of paper in his face. "Of course I mean MI6! I got home last night, and found this! Now how would MI6 know that I wasn't here last night?"

Snake neatly stepped between Wolf and Fox. "Wolf, Fox obviously had nothing to do with it; he didn't even know you had a ward until yesterday." He gently steered Wolf into the living room and onto the sofa, not knowing whether he should be grateful or worried that Wolf was just letting him.

"Now." Snake said. "Explain why on earth MI6 would be trying to take your ward."

"Not trying – they managed." Wolf pointed out, staring at his hands. "And I was stupid enough to let them."

"How were you supposed to know that they'd take him?" Snake asked, still keeping his tone gently reasonable.

"Because that's what they do! They ship him off on missions where he is tortured or raped, and then send him home with a pat on his head." Wolf looked up, focusing on Snake properly for the first time. "I never imagined that they wouldn't even make him see a psychiatrist. I only found out when he woke up after I phoned you. He's only fifteen, for crying out loud! What kind of government department sends a boy to do a man's work?"

"Wait a minute…" Fox said slowly. "Fifteen… Is _Alex_ your ward?" His tone held sheer disbelief. Behind Fox and Snake, Eagle was looking confused, but had wisely chosen to stay quiet.

"Yeh, it's Cub. How did you know?"

"Cub!" Eagle practically screamed. "You guys are talking about _Cub_? The Cub? The spoilt brat from training?"

Ignoring him, Fox sighed and sunk onto the sofa. "I worked with him once. We met by accident, actually. The ASIS had 'borrowed' him because he'd accidently landed on Australian soil."

Wolf sneered. "You _worked_ with him, Fox. How lovely. Personally, aiding and abetting child abuse isn't the sort of job that would make mummy proud, but –"

"Well, that's exactly what you did at Brecon Beacons, isn't it, Wolf?" Fox snarled. "In fact, you made it worse for the kid, above and beyond the call of duty, eh, Wolf? And again, in France, you _worked_ with the kid. Let him go back into a place that was going to dissect him live." Pausing, Fox looked at Wolf, and realised that Wolf's dark skin had suddenly gone sickly pale. He took a deep breath and changed tack. "I'm not proud of working with the kid Wolf, and I'm not proud of what I did at Brecon Beacons. But at the end of the day, Alex is good at what he does, and MI6 won't let him go. The least I can do is help him when I can and make sure that he survives until he's an adult."

"Then help him now, Fox. Get me into MI6 HQ so that I can bloody _do_ something, because I'm not going to just sit here and wait for my _ward_ to come back in a box." Wolf said, and the others barely recognised his voice. They didn't recognise the eyes, either; they were more desperate that he'd ever been when they were on duty, surrounded by death. "Because I've phoned MI6 more times than I want to remember today, only to get some _stupid_ receptionist to tell me that 'no-one by the name of Blunt or Jones works at the bank, sir.'"

Fox nodded. "I can try. And what's more, I'll talk to Blunt with you. Maybe if they can't call him back, they could at least send me out with him as backup."

"We'll all come." Eagle announced in much the same way as he had the night before. "Tell MI6 to expect us, Foxy – all of us." Next to him, Snake nodded in agreement. And, unlike last night, Wolf wasn't irritated or annoyed; he was glad.

He stood up, and picked up his car keys. "Let's go." He announced.

---

"So tell me Alex, how good is your modern history?" Alex was currently thirty five thousand feet above England, in a private jet with Blunt, Jones, and several packs of peppermints, and he wasn't massively happy about it.

"It would be a lot better if I was at school occasionally." Alex remarked, slightly bitterly.

Blunt carried on as though he hadn't spoken. "Well, I expect you know quite a bit about Hitler and the Nazi party before and during the Second World War, don't you? They were, of course, defeated by Allied forces in 1945, and most leading Nazis and their families committed suicide or were captured and stood trial. What you might not know is that some Nazis escaped. One of these, Aribert Heim, allegedly died on the 10th August 1992, although his body has never been found. We have intelligence to suggest that he has been in contact with Neo-Nazi groups.

"One of these groups, you might have hear of – Blood and Honour. They do all sorts of things, such as open air concerts. Their biggest event is a memorial of when the group's founder died. It is normally marked by a huge memorial concert, but this year, along with Aribert Heim, they are going to South America, where they will meet. It's a big event, and we want _you_ to be there. We believe that you'll be invaluable to them; as a child, nobody will expect you to be a terrorist, after all.

"You can say a lot of bad things about the Nazis." Alex commented, "But you can't fault their originality and ingenuity. Using children, for example -"

"Smithers wanted me to pass these to you." Mrs Jones interrupted. She handed him a bag. "They all come with instructions."

Although he knew that Mrs Jones had been trying to distract him, he took the bait regardless, albeit with a final glare at Blunt. Tipping the bag upside down he up-ended the contents onto the chair beside him and inspected them. The first object was a book, _Mein Kampf_, in English that worked exactly like the Harry Potter book had. Next was a Swiss Army knife with a difference, along with insect 'repellent', a compass that alerted MI6 to his whereabouts and a packet of M&M – although he wouldn't be eating them any time soon.

Investigations complete, he drifted off into an uneasy sleep; it was already two o'clock in the morning. Before he finally fell asleep, he wondered if Wolf was back yet, and had got his message.

---

Eagle stared at the note as Wolf drove them towards the 'bank'. "It's rather short, isn't it? It sounds more like the sort of note you'd leave if you were going to go and pick up a newspaper."

"It's supposed to." Fox told him. "Alex is hardly going to leave a piece of paper around that announces to the world he's a spy, is he? Even if he'd thought Wolf's house was completely secure, the agents sent to pick him up wouldn't have agreed. I'm surprised that they let him leave any sort of note at all, really." Fox stared at the note as well, trying to distract himself from Wolf's driving, which was far too fast.

He noticed the little things that Wolf hadn't – the note was neat, but the way Alex had finished his letters looked a little rushed. Fox wondered if Alex had actually got permission to write the note or if he'd just gone ahead and written it anyway. They said your handwriting was supposed to reflect your personality. Looking at Alex's, Fox realised that there was nothing remarkable about it. It didn't slant one way or the other, it wasn't loopy and it was a completely average size. Thinking about it, Fox realised that he wasn't surprised.

Fox looked up, realising that the trees were going past remarkably quickly, even for a motorway. Glancing at the speedometer, Fox swallowed. It wasn't that he didn't trust Wolf's driving; he could drive an army vehicle as well as the rest of them, but there was nothing much to crash into when you were driving in an army vehicle, and you went at about half the speed that they we currently going at….

Fox sat back in his seat and swallowed, taking a deep breath. Resolving not to look out of the windows, or at the speedometer, Fox made a silent promise to himself that he would drive them back to Wolf's. Checking his watch discretely, he was silently grateful that MI6's headquarters weren't that far away from Wolf's house. In fact, at the speed they were going, they'd probably be there in five minutes, if they didn't die first, of course. How ironic would that be? Getting shot at hadn't killed them, but a little speeding might. He glanced up, briefly, and discovered that Eagle was busy harassing Snake, and Wolf was in midst of intense road-rage. Having confirmed that no one was watching him, Fox went back to looking at the headrest in front of him, wondering how hard he would need to smash into it to kill him.

Then he tried to think about something else. He sighed, and started to go through a Russian role play in his head. He'd only been learning Russian for a few weeks, so it needed a lot of concentration. Happily, right now, he was prepared to spare it every ounce of concentration he could muster. The other positive was that when Snake asked him if he was alright, he could reply without needing to lie, "I'm trying to remember directions in Russian. I need to know them by tonight; I've got a lesson."

"That sounds... thrilling." Snake commented dryly. "Perhaps you could tell us exactly where this place is. I've only been there once."

Fox looked out of the window, and found to his relief that Wolf had slowed down. "It's the great big bank. Kinda hard to miss."

Snake looked a little embarrassed. "Ah. Right. You'd think it would be hard to forget too. Wolf, find somewhere to park." Wolf squeezed into the first space he saw, even though it looked way to small. The only slight consolation for Fox was that even Wolf couldn't do them that much damage in reverse – he hoped.

Somehow, Wolf managed to park without crashing into the car in front, or the one behind. Fox couldn't be sure if it was Wolf's driving skills or a miracle, but he was grateful either way. At least by the time they were outside the bank his legs felt like legs again, and not like jelly.

With several flashes of his ID card, lots of persuasion and Wolf glaring ferociously behind him, it only took ten minutes for a suit to come and collect them. He led them to an office on the fifteenth floor, and sat down at the desk. There was another chair on the other side of the desk, but instinctively they stayed standing, as though it gave them an advantage. If the grey suited, grey haired man was intimidated, it was impossible to tell

"I'm Crawley. Neither Blunt nor Jones are here. They're on a business trip."

"Does this 'business trip' involve _my_ ward in anyway?" Wolf demands angrily. Wolf may be fairly short, but he's strong, and he has had since last night to perfect his already brilliant death glare. Idly, Fox wonders how much a Crawley-sized coffin costs. "I want to know where my ward is, and I want him back here. Now." Wolf demands when Crawley stubbornly refuses to drop dead.

"I'm afraid I can't do that for you. Sorry." The voice doesn't sound sorry at all, and he doesn't look it either. "I'll let Mrs Jones know you've called, and we'll notify you when Alex is coming back."

"Now look here." Wolf snapped, the attempted dismissal infuriating him. "As his guardian, I have a right to know where he is. _You_ certainly have no right to take him, so I suggest that you bring Alex back here right now, and crawl back into the hole you came from."

Crawley looked vaguely apologetic. "You have a good job, Wolf. So do your friends."

Wolf's eyes narrowed. "So what?"

"Well, in times such as these, a good job is hard to come by, what with the economic downturn. The government has been forced to cut back on spending in the government departments, you know. It's lucky that none of you have been affected."

"Are you threatening me?" Wolf asked, his eyes narrowing further, and the death glare intensifies. Privately, Fox is rather impressed at Crawley's bravery, even though what he is suggesting makes Fox sick to his very core. Wolf takes two steps forward, and towers over Crawley menacingly. Crawley's eyes flicker briefly to the rest of K-Unit and Fox, and realise that he is on his own. Through some miracle, his pants remain dry.

"Absolutely not." Crawley assures him, quiet and composed. "You seem to genuinely care about Alex, which is commendable. I'd hate to have to remove him from your care due to your violence." At the word 'remove' Wolf's glare drops off his face, the bravado gone.

Despite his sudden change of heart, Wolf can't help but have the final word. "You're scum." He tells the man. "And I tell you one thing; it makes me ashamed to work for the same government and fight for the same country you do. You're supposed to be the good guys." Then they leave, and Wolf doesn't bother to protest even slightly when Fox nabs his keys. The return journey is silent, as they process what just happened. But if every cloud has to have a silver lining, at least this journey is safer.

---

_Alex was aware of the roaring of his blood as it rushed through his veins, and guessed that he should be grateful that at least most of his blood was still inside his veins. _

_He'd struggled at first, and something had held him down and stopped him from moving too far in any direction. So then he'd kicked and screamed and bitten the man, and that had been a mistake. If he'd just stayed still and let the man do it, it could have just happened, and then it would have been over._

_Instead, he ached all over, and he could taste the metallic taste of blood in his mouth and feel the rapid swilling on his cheekbone and the bruise developing across his stomach, shaped like a boot. Perhaps, Alex reflected, that was better. Because then the aching he felt inside of him was accompanied by myriad other pains all over the outside of his body, and it was easier to forget exactly what he had done._

_Easier, but still not completely possible, and he felt tears slip out of his eyes and down his cheeks. He tried to shift position to stop at least some of the pain, but there was still something across his chest that stopped him from moving and he struggled helplessly, the tears falling silently._

Alex woke up to discover that the something across his chest was his seatbelt, which had locked when he had struggled, and the tears were pouring down his face. He wiped them away, and looked to see if the two spymasters had noticed. Alan Blunt was reading a newspaper, and Mrs Jones was doing a crossword, but Alex knew that they knew. And he also knew that in some ways, nothing had changed. He was still tied up, even if the ties were no longer visible, and his innocence was still being drained, if he even had any left. Stubbornly, he turned his face towards the window and let the tears continue to fall.

* * *

**A.N.** If nobody minds, I'm not going to go into great detail about exactly what happens on the mission, because that's not the focus of this story; the relationship between Alex and Wolf is. And there's going to be more of that next chapter, honestly.

Thank you to everyone who put this fic on Story Alert, and to CJ, clemlimo and EriKa for reviewing – you guys made my day. Please review, and let me know what you think; it's encouraging, and might help me improve!


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N. **So it turns out that work experience isn't any easier than mocks… And I'm on a D of E practise hike tomorrow, so I'm getting this out tonight, while I can. That means that this is probably quite rough, although I've done my best. Please let me know if there are any really awful mistakes so I can change them. Thanks.

Chapter Four

Alex stumbled and walked into a tree. He pushed himself off again with his hands and continued stumbling in a direction which he _hoped_ was forwards. He couldn't be exactly sure anymore if he was still heading in the direction that he'd started out in. Nonetheless, that wasn't something he had time to worry about, and he carried on, tripping up over vines and tree roots, and sometimes over nothing at all. His knees were scrapped and bruised like a small child's, but he'd been through worse.

The humid air wasn't helping. Somehow the rainforest's canopy seemed to be trapping hot, humid air below it, and through the few rare gaps in the rainforest's coverage, the bright blue sky seemed to mock him, showing him glimpses of unattainable freedom The clothes he was wearing were soaked, but whether that was his own sweat or simply the moisture in the air, he couldn't tell. In truth, his clothes were ruined anyway. They were covered in blood and a week's filth; sweat was the least of the problem.

All around him, the forest continued oblivious to his progress. Whilst the animals shied away from him, the anonymous birds and animals screeched, chattered and trilled from a distance, though the ringing in his ears meant it was impossible to tell where a specific noise had come from. Instead, the noises blended into a cacophony of sounds that echoed around his pounding head like an alarm clock the morning after the night before. His vision had blurred and narrowed too so that even if an animal had been brave enough to come closer, he was unlikely to see it. His vision had tunnelled to a small window directly in front of him as he continued forwards.

He needed to call MI6, he realised. He should have done that already. He took out his earring, a replacement for the old exploding earring, albeit with a slightly different purpose. Twisting the 'diamond' stud, he activated it, and spoke as clearly as he could. "It's Alex Rider. They were going to experiment on me. I escaped. I'm in the rainforest somewhere." A fuzzy, half-formed though entered his head; how was he supposed to know if the earring was working? Fumbling, Alex tried to put the earring back in his ear and failed, missing his ear completely at least three times.

There was something wrong with him he realised, as he staggered dizzily through the undergrowth. It wasn't just the headache and the broken ribs from being thrown across a room, or the pain from his dislocated shoulder. The buzzing nose in his ears and the drunken feeling was different. Maybe they'd drugged him during the preliminary 'testing', he thought.

Alex was vaguely aware that his legs weren't moving anymore, and the trees suddenly seemed taller. When he looked sideways, he realised that the trees weren't taller; the ground was suddenly right beside his head. He would have tried to get up, but he wasn't sure if his efforts were having any effect, especially as it was impossible to tell which way _was_ up.

As the fuzzy feeling that had been hovering encroached further on his brain, Alex remembered that he'd forgotten to tell MI6 that he needed help. That was stupid of him… Before he could reach up (or down, he wasn't exactly sure which anymore) for the earring, he passed out on the rainforest floor.

---

Wolf's expression tightened infinitesimally as the small device in his ear crackled into life once again, and Alex's voice came through loud and clear. "It's Alex Rider. They were going to experiment on me. I escaped. I'm in the rainforest somewhere." The last time he'd called had been little more than half an hour ago, and since then his voice had slurred considerably. Gradually, his messages had become shorter and shorter, and this was the shortest of them all, as if he were struggling to piece together the words.

It was clear each time that Alex had forgotten that he'd already contacted them. On the third, or maybe fourth, time he'd called, he'd laughed self-deprecatingly – more like a chocked sigh – and said, "It's Alex. I escaped earlier, and I've been wandering around in the rainforest for ages; finally remembered to call in…"

Snake had suggested that Alex had severe concussion, meaning that his recollection of events after the concussion was hazy at best and pretty nonexistent at worst. Wolf hadn't needed his medical view; he'd figured out that much for himself, and had spent the last however many hours searching for Alex and listening to calls which revealed his rapidly deteriorating condition. He thought of the fair-haired teen, and was filled once again with a desperate longing to find him and an all-consuming feeling of hopelessness and loss which ate away at his insides. He thought of the teen that he'd held and kissed. He couldn't live with himself if he lost the kid he loved more than anyone else. It took everything he had to appear calm and in control to his team, but he needed to. He needed to find his Cub.

Once again, the device in his ear crackled in to life, and Wolf gritted his teeth, He didn't know if he could stand another distress call from Cub. He relaxed marginally as Smithers' voice came through to him, and the lack of reaction from his companions showed that he was the only one receiving him.

"Wolf! Hello old chap." The voice said, but the previously cheerful voice was showing the strain. "I hope you just got Alex's last transmission. I couldn't get much more detail on his position this time, as it was so brief, but he's still heading in the same direction, or was."

"I copy. Yes, I got the transmission; we all did. What do you mean, 'was'? Over." The rest of the team glanced at Wolf quickly as he started talking.

"Well, I was trialling a new device which started tracking when an agent becomes suddenly unconscious. It's useful for finding the co-ordinates of dead agents. I won't go into the details – now's not the time – but Alex's device has started sending. I'm sending his co-ordinates to you now"

"Dead?" Wolf repeated, stunned.

"Well, not necessarily. I can't tell. It alerts me when the agent is in critical condition, so if Alex _is _still alive, he won't be for much longer without medical aid."

Wolf's heart self-destructed. Through numb lips, he managed to say "Right. I'll let you know when we've found him." His eyes found the now flashing tracking device, and he found a new lease of energy as he strode out in front of his team, barking out a one-word command: "Follow." Silently, his team obeyed and picked up their pace.

---

If not for the frantic, excitable flashing of his tracking device, Wolf would never have seen Cub slumped on the ground through the dense foliage. When he did, he crashed through the undergrowth mindless of the wildlife, and was relieved to find that Snake had followed half a second behind. He could do little but watch as Snake checked him over, almost collapsing with relief when Snake said for his benefit, "He's alive."

Now he knew that Cub wasn't dead, he scanned Cub's body, or what was visible of it, for injury. His clothes were unfit for a scarecrow and horribly bloodied, and his face was pale and shiny with sweat. Lying unconscious and unresponsive on the rainforest floor Cub suddenly looked horribly young and small.

Wolf was vaguely aware that by now the group had arrived and were stood around them, but Wolf was more interested in the information Snake was radioing to the waiting air ambulance crew.

"One young male, mid teens, unconscious, currently breathing unassisted, but with severe blood loss and suspected concussion. I've checked his eyes, with no response." Snake said, the down turn of his lips the only sign that he was affected by it.

Five long minutes later, the helicopter arrived, and lowered down a gurney, which Snake and Wolf strapped him on to quickly and efficiently. K-Unit was hoisted up behind him and despite his worry for Cub, Wolf's priorities wobbled when he thought of the height. But he couldn't back out now; he couldn't leave Cub just when he'd found him again, so he strapped himself on the rope and allowed himself to be pulled up, emerging at the top pale and marginally green, not to mention grateful that he had had no breakfast.

Back with his feet planted firmly on the floor, the worry increased tenfold, and he watched Cub's limp form constantly, not looking away once. When he shifted slightly, Wolf unstrapped himself and hurried over to Cub, not seeing the look that Fox gave him.

Cub's chocolate eyes opened blearily, and when Wolf finally came into focus, he groaned. "How much did I drink last night?" He asked, and screwed his eyes tightly shut.

Normally, Wolf would have laughed; in fact, he'd laughed at Eagle in a similar situation in training. With a worried frown, Wolf said, "Cub? What's the last thing you remember?"

Cub opened his eyes with a puzzled expression. "The last thing I remember?" He repeated, and then his eyes widened dramatically. He tried to sit up, but the restraints stopped him from moving too far in any direction, and that was when he started to panic and thrash against the restraints.

"Hey, Cub, okay, alright, I'm untying you, okay? You're alright, you're safe, we're taking you to a hospital. Just give me a minute, and I'll get these off you…"

As Wolf continued to struggle, one of the medics in the air ambulance said, "Don't untie him, he'll hurt himself."

Wolf's eyes flicked towards the medic momentarily, filled with righteous anger. "You want me to leave him like this?" He snarled furiously at the unfortunate man. "He hates being tied up and he's frightened." Wisely, the medic shut up, and no-one else objected as Wolf undid the straps, and lifted the panicked teen off the bed and up into his arms, muttering quietly, "It's alright Cub, I've got you. Calm down, it's okay; just calm down."

Cub quietened and lay pliable in Wolf's arms, and Wolf gently shifted him so that the boy was sat upright on top of him, his head resting limply against Wolf's army-issue combat top. Fox watched, observing Cub's lack of resistance and frowned slightly as he saw Wolf place a kiss on the top of his ward's head. Cub's temporary guardian or not, Wolf had never been a touchy-feely kind of bloke, and tended to shy away from kids and hold them at arm's reach. Even his unit; despite how long he'd known them, Wolf still preferred to steer away from unnecessary physical contact, and no-one would ever make the mistake of calling Wolf an openly compassionate man. Fox said nothing then, and just filled it away to think about later.

---

It was the end of Cub's third day in hospital, and when he'd arrived, Wolf had informed him that Cub had just been moved out of intensive care. When they'd first arrived, Cub had been whisked off to emergency surgery, where he'd remained for several hours – several hours with no information and a stressed, worried Wolf, something that no-one in K-Unit had known quite how to respond to. Certainly, Wolf had been worried when they had been injured in the past, although he would never admit it, but nothing like _this_.

When Wolf, whom, as far as they knew had never smoked a cigarette in his life, and had certainly coped without for months at a time when they were on duty, produced a pack of cigarettes seemingly from nowhere and started smoking them like they were going out of fashion, the rest of K-Unit breathed a silent sigh of relief. They might have been worried about their leader, or ex leader in Fox's case, but at least when he jumped up to go outside they could relax a little.

When they had finally got news on Cub, it wasn't good news. He had a depressed skull fracture which had resulted in fragments of bone pressing against his brain and blood from ruptured blood vessels leaking into the space between his skull and the outer membrane. A team of neurosurgeons had worked on Cub for hours to remove the pieces of fractured bone and repair the damaged tissue, drain the blood and repair the damaged arteries and blood vessels.

Added to that, Cub had severe dehydration and sleep deprivation, as well as several 'minor' injuries – at least in comparison to the concussion. They'd set the shoulder and bandaged the ribs as well, and given him huge amounts of pain medication. It was about ten hours before they could finally visit Cub in Intensive care, where he was covered in bandages and gauze and had tubes delivering antibiotics to prevent infections, intravenous fluids for the dehydration, benzodiazepines (a sedative) for the sleep deprivation, a feeding tube, a urinary tract and a tube to replace the blood he had lost. In addition, they have various sensors monitoring his condition and an oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth. In short, he looked awful. They'd only been allowed to stay for five minutes, after which Wolf had smoked about six successive cigarettes before Fox had bravely followed him outside to calm him down.

Since then, Fox, Snake and Eagle had taken it in turns to stay at the hospital with Wolf, since it was clearly pointless to attempt to persuade Wolf to leave, despite the fact that Cub was sedated and wouldn't be waking up anytime soon. So when Fox followed the directions that the hospital reception had given him to Cub's new room, he discovered Cub asleep on the bed and Wolf slumped on a chair pulled up to the side of the bed. Smiling fondly at his friend, he left his provisions; an apple, a burger and a thermos flask of coffee, on the cabinet for when he woke up, and turned to take a proper look at Cub. A few of the tubes and monitors had gone, as had the oxygen mask and the IV. Despite that, Cub still looked pale and worryingly small in the standard hospital gown on the white hospital bed. With a sudden wave of guilt, Fox realised that it had been _his_ employers that had put Cub in this position. Recalling what Wolf had said previously, Fox felt a little sick. Cub was little more than a kid, and he'd been raped, tortured, shot at….

He was roused from his guilt by a small noise coming from the bed. When Fox looked down, he saw that Alex was waking up. He watched as Cub frowned at the various wires and tubes attached to him, and then saw Fox watching him and Wolf asleep beside him. Gradually, his expression cleared as he realised where he was, and Fox noted with approval that despite the sedatives, he was more aware than he had been in the helicopter.

"Ben?" Alex asked.

"How are you feeling?" Fox quizzed him.

"Like crap." The kid admitted. "How long have I been…." He trailed off, unsure which question he wanted the answer to first. Luckily, Fox understood.

"You've been here three days; you've just been moved out of intensive care. You've got severe concussion, and were dehydrated, but that's been dealt with. The doctors patched up all you other injuries too; you're on the mend, although it probably doesn't feel like it."

Alex managed to dredge up the palest imitation of a smile. Then his nose crinkled in poorly disguised distaste as it registered the unmistakable scent of cigarette smoke. "I didn't know you smoked."

Ben knew that his eyes showed his worry and concern for his friend. "I don't. What you're smelling is Wolf; he's been smoking like a chimney."

Alex frowned. "Wolf doesn't smoke."

"Yeh." Ben agreed. "That's what I thought too."

Before Alex could respond, Wolf woke up. "Hey, Fox… Cub! You're awake! Holy…"

Fox stood, and squeezed Wolf's shoulder briefly. "I'll leave you two alone and find someone to check Cub over." He excused himself, to give Wolf and Cub some privacy, not that Wolf noticed, although Cub's eyes flicked to him for a moment.

Wolf felt almost giddy with relief. _His_ Cub was awake. "Are you alright?" Was the first question out of his mouth, followed by the marginally more intelligent, "How do you feel?"

The kid smiled. "I've felt worse." He said "What's with the smoking?"

Wolf's eyes left his face to stare guiltily at the floor. "I…was worried." He looked up again, as though confirming that he was still awake. "I just… I left you alone, let them take you, and then I found you lying on the ground covered in blood, and if you'd _died_…" The rush of words stopped at that horrific thought, and Wolf gave up on words and lent in to kiss him desperately.

That was how Ben and the doctor found them when they came in, and although Wolf pulled away fast, Ben knew that that was more than just a friendly kiss; Wolf's tongue had been in Cub's mouth. Suddenly the smoking and the concern all became horrendously obvious. He stayed quiet for as long as it took for the doctor to check Alex over and give him another sedative; the doctor had been a step behind him and hadn't seen a thing.

The moment the doctor left and Alex's eyes closed, Fox said tightly, "I need to speak to you outside Wolf. _Now_." He added as Wolf hesitated. Wolf nodded and rose.

Outside, Fox closed the door to Alex's room and stood in front of it. "You sick _bastard_." Fox hissed, unable to inject enough venom into the words to express his revulsion. By the look on Wolf's face, he'd managed to inject a good proportion of his feelings into the sentence though. He took a breath, and continued, fuming at his long time best friend, "Alex is _fifteen_! You're supposed to be his _guardian_. That kid has been raped, abused, manipulated, tortured and shot, and you, the man whose job it is to offer him an _iota_ of protection, are taking advantage of him. You're more than a decade older than him, Wolf. _How __could__ you?_"

"Fox, I love him." Wolf protested in little more than a whisper, his usual strength withering in the face of Fox's fury. "I do protect him, I…"

"How _dare_ you?" Fox exploded. "How bloody DARE you?! That boy has been _raped_ , Wolf, _raped_! And now you're…" Fox shook his head in speechless horror and disgust "You sick, perverted, twisted, warped paedophile, How _dare_ you?" Wolf watched as his friend's face hardened. "Get out. Get out now, before I kill you. And if you even _think_ about coming anywhere near Alex again, I _will_ kill you. Don't doubt that for a second."

* * *

**A.N.** Thank you to CJ, EriKa and clemlimo (again) I love you all (don't take that the wrong way), broser and Jezza, and to Tizzygirl, who harassed me into posting this chapter, and sent me weird PMs, and basically did everything a friend should do (Even if I am a bit concerned for her sanity, but hey, I've been thinking that for years! )

Please review, and let me know what you think. It will give me ways to improve this, and let me know what you guys think… and let me know how you want Wolf/Alex to end! Thanx!


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N. ** So, I've updated in what must be record time for me – six days!!! It's a miracle… and not only that, but I've started the next chapter

Chapter Five

When Ben had stormed into the Royal and General to demand that Alex was removed from Wolf's guardianship, he was rather unnerved to discover that Mr Harvey, Cub's psychiatrist, had been delighted by the news that his suspicions were right, and had taken great pleasure in explaining Alex's 'indicative behavioural symptoms' to Blunt and Jones. Ben was no shrink, but if he had have been, Ben had little doubt that he would be able to label Mr Harvey as a shrivelled, unsociable sadist.

After ten minutes, Blunt had received an urgent phone call and been 'forced' to leave the discussion. Ben wasn't so sure. Alan Blunt might be an emotionless robot, but on the other hand, as the head of MI6, Ben had no doubt that arranging a nice, convenient emergency was well within his capabilities. Judging from the glance that Mrs Jones had given him as he left, Ben suspected that she wished she could do the same.

Eventually, after about forty-five minutes, Mr Harvey had exhausted his 'brief' analysis of Alex's response to Wolf, and had offered to give them a 'short' summary of Alex's overall mental state', which Mrs Jones had politely, but very definitely turned down, and Ben was left alone in the office with MI6's deputy.

Mrs Jones unwrapped a mint thoughtfully and asked, "What would you recommend? We could make Alex an emancipated teen; after all, he certainly qualifies for financial independence, or would if we paid him."

"You don't pay…" Ben stopped and shook his head; that was an argument for another time. "I'll be his guardian, at least temporarily. I don't think leaving him to live on his own is a good idea, at least not to begin with." At least, not if you are still forcing him to go on assignments, he added silently.

Mrs Jones nodded. "It's a viable option. We can take you off the duty rota for a few months as well if you wish; or just give you short assignments that only last a day or two."

Ben nodded. "That would probably be best. Can you take Alex off the rota too?"

Mrs Jones at least had the decency to look guilty when she refused. "I can try." She told him, "But I can't make any guarantees. Alex is… unique. He was never on the duty rota anyway. His assignments are separate."

Ben frowned. "You survived without a teenage spy before Alex became a convenient tool; I'm sure you can do so again."

Mrs Jones said, "I can try." And Ben realised that that was all he would be able to get from her. He rose to leave, not bothering to wait for Mrs Jones to dismiss him. At the door, he turned and added, "I'll get Eagle and Snake to help me too; Snake's at the hospital with him at the moment, although I haven't told him the full details yet."

Mrs Jones nodded. "You might as well. They know of him already anyway."

---

Eagle blinked stupidly, and stared at him without comprehension for several long moments. This time, the blank look wasn't faked, and the incomprehension was genuine. Eagle was actually extraordinarily intelligent, if lacking in common sense. But Eagle had always seen in black and white; the atrocities that he saw on assignments were committed by 'bad' people, and stopped by 'good' people. He'd classified Wolf as 'good' the first time he'd met him, and had never wavered in that judgement since; his leader could be unreasonable, hot-tempered and unbearable, but he'd saved lives and dealt with criminals and terrorists and psychopaths….

"_Wolf_ did that?" He repeated, as if there was a possibility that Fox might be talking about a different Wolf, or had got his long-time friend mixed up with a notorious rapist. Fox nodded, and Eagle lapsed back into silence, his face unusually serious and shocked.

"Eagle?" Snake finally prompted. "Do you need me to grab you a chair or something?"

Eagle jumped. "What? No, no, I'm fine, really, I just… I mean, Wolf?"

Snake nodded sadly. "Yeh, me too mate, me too."

Eventually, Eagle dredged up a weak smile. "I'm fine. It just took a moment. I'm alright now; I'll keep an eye on Cub, you guys can go." Despite the smile, there was a hard tone in his voice, and Ben knew what that meant. In Eagle's black-and-white world, Wolf was no longer firmly on the 'right' side. Wolf was bad, and it was his job to protect people from men like that.

Fox put a reassuring hand on his ex-teammate's shoulder before he left Eagle alone in Alex's hospital room. As he turned to go he saw Eagle hunched up on the chair, head in his hands. Still, at least Eagle had taken it better that Snake. He'd told Snake about five hours ago, and he had spent half an hour vigorously denying it, and then an hour on a guilt trip, lamenting the fact that he hadn't _realised_ when Wolf had phone him up about Cub's panic attack. Then he'd spent double that time trashing Wolf thoroughly, calling him names that Ben hadn't even heard of and some that he had, and certainly hadn't ever expected to come out of the gentle Scottish medic's mouth.

In total, Snake had ranted for three hours before finally falling silent, and saying quietly, "He was your best friend before this, wasn't he?"

Ben had nodded mutely, and both men pretended that they hadn't noticed the other's eyes were wet.

---

Ben finally took him back to his house after Alex had spent a week in hospital, and rather to Ben's consternation, the day after that Alex had gone out to play football with his best mate, against all the doctor's advice and despite the broken ribs and the concussion, having escaped when Ben though that they were in the living room playing a computer game.

Aside from that, Alex had been a model teenager, clearing away after himself, keeping his room tidy, and catching up on all the school that he hadn't already caught up with whilst in hospital – in short, all the things that Ben had completely failed at as a teenager.

In some ways, Ben wished he wasn't so well behaved and quiet. Alex very rarely initiated a conversation with him, and had not said a word on the subject when Ben had explained that he had taken over his guardianship after what Wolf had done, or spoken about it since.

The moment Alex had returned to his school, and his guardian details had changed _yet again_, the school had pounced on him eagerly, and Ben had found himself in innumerable meetings about his ward, whom he had been horrified to discover was notorious as the school druggie and gang member, and had missed months of school due to 'illnesses'.

A week later, Crawley turned up at the school claiming to be a Law Enforcement Officer, and asked Alex's head teacher to sit down and sign a confidentiality agreement before explaining that Alex had to be regularly removed from school for his safety after he had been identified as a potential target after his uncle had been murdered by a foreign terrorist group that had targeted the bank his uncle worked at. It might not have been the perfect cover story, and from Fox's point of view it had several holes, but Alex's perplexed headmaster had grasped at the concept and the official looking forms and had had a subsequent meeting with Alex assuring him that the school understood and supported him, relieved that he finally had an explanation for the endless bruises and half-healed injuries that Alex regularly returned with.

In short, things were looking up.

---

Wolf took another drag at the cigarette, staring with unseeing eyes at the program on his television. He'd been watching the show for forty minutes now, with only twenty minutes left, but, if asked, he had no idea what the program was actually about. It had been three weeks since his confrontation with Fox in the hospital, and since then he had not answered any of Wolf's calls.

Admittedly, the loss of his best friend hurt, but what hurt more was that he did not know if Cub was alright. He'd been informed that he was no longer Cub's guardian, but no further information had been forthcoming. He thought back to the panic attack, the first real sign that anything was wrong with Cub, and was overwhelmed by self-loathing and a desperate need to know if Cub was alright and being looked after properly.

Unable to stop himself, he reached for his phone, and pressed speed dial. The phone connected and started ringing, but it only rang twice before cutting off with a loud 'Beep!' An automated female voice stated solemnly, "This number does not receive incoming calls. This number does not receive incoming calls. This…." Wolf took the phone away from his ear and looked at it for a moment, before ending the call. Fox must have blocked his number, and Wolf supposed he had expected it.

For a moment, his finger hovered over Eagle's number, and then he thought better of it, and phoned Snake. As expected, the phone kept ringing, and eventually reached Snake's answer phone, even though Snake _always_ answered his calls. Snake's voice came through on the recorded message, sounding incongruously cheerful. "Hi, you've reached my answering machine. Leave me a message or try phoning again in five minutes…"

"Hi Snake, It's Wolf. I know you don't want to talk right now, and I guess I understand, but… is Cub alright? I know you think I don't care, and you're wrong. Just send me a text or something telling me that he's okay and he's being properly looked after, and I'll believe you. I'll stay away if that's what you want, but I just need to know that he's alright."

He ended the recording and dropped his phone on the floor, and as he heard the 'thump' he started crying. He hadn't cried for years, not since he'd broken his leg skiing when he was eleven, but the tears, once they'd started, wouldn't stop, and Wolf found himself curling in on himself and howling as violent, shuddering sobs wracked his body steadily through the end of that program and the cheerful theme tune of a kid's TV show that was just starting. The cheerful music just made him sob louder, even though he couldn't hear the words properly anyway.

He'd messed up, big time, and he wasn't sure if he hated himself or Fox most. He remembered holding Cub in his arms and taking in that scent that was uniquely Cub; fresh and somehow soft and subtle, and telling Cub that he loved him. He remembered the two soft words that had made him inexplicably happy: 'I know'. He remembered Cub's infectious grin at the surprise and shock on Wolf's face the first time he'd cooked dinner, and his soft, tussle-haired vulnerability after he had just woken up and come down to the kitchen for a cup of coffee in the mornings….

He'd given it all up because he couldn't resist the temptation to kiss Cub's surprised lips, and suddenly, the memory of Cub's tongue in his mouth and the soft sensuality of his lips seemed bittersweet.

His face was still glistening with salty wetness, but his bright, slightly pinked eyes were clear. He turned away from the television set, where an unmistakeable yellow sponge was talking to his star-shaped best friend, Patrick, and made his way up the stairs. The door to the guest room – Cub's room – was slightly ajar, and he reached over to open it fully, and stood in the doorway.

Everything of Cub's had disappeared one day whilst he was at work, and although he'd searched, there had been no sign of a break in, and everything else had been left undisturbed. He suspected it had been Fox – he'd had a spare key to his house, after all. With Cub's stuff gone, the room looked exactly the same as it had done when he'd disappeared that night; just emptier. The bed had been left exactly as it was; neatly made, with the small dent in the pillow from when Cub's mobile phone had been left there. A small ornament that his sister had given him many years ago which had been sat on the desk was on the windowsill, from when Cub had moved it for his homework.

They were just small changes, but they were proof; proof that Cub had been here and stolen his heart as easily as he'd stolen blueprints on assignments. Wolf closed the door and stood, staring at the wood that now shielded Cub's room from sight. It was perverted, and wrong, and he'd lost his best friend and his unit for it, but he loved the boy, and he'd give anything to see or hear about him again.

---

_Alex is vaguely aware of cool air blowing across his face. For a little while, it is a nice feeling, but after a while it is cold; like ice. He supposes that it is because it is getting late. Eventually, he shivers violently, and finally decides to close the window. He turns to stand, and his heart misses a beat in shock._

_A face is looming over his. After a moment, it comes into focus, and he realises that it is Wolf's face. He smiles in recognition and reaches up to hold him. Before he knows it, they are kissing desperately, as though they are making up for the time apart, and silently, as though they are afraid of being discovered. His lips tingle faintly as they touch Wolf's, and his tongue gently prises Wolf's mouth open and worms its way between his teeth._

_Suddenly, Wolf pushes him away and Alex his thrown backwards from the force of the shove. The metallic taste in his mouth tells him that his tongue is bleeding, as is his lip; the pain itself is indistinguishable from the sudden pain in his heart. He looks up at Wolf, and sees the man he loves' face creased in anger; anger at him. A small fracture appears across his heart, and the pain intensifies a little._

_He stares at the dark face and looks into the burning eyes, scared at what he finds. "Wolf?" He asks, and his voice wavers, wobbling like the voice of a small child who is about to cry. He can't find a shred of love or fondness in those black depths._

"_Nice to know you still remember me." Wolf snarls, taking a step in Cub's direction, and Alex can't help himself; he goes to take a step backwards, only to discover that there is something unyielding pressing up against his back. Wolf just laughs a harsh, angry noise. "Scared, are you? You should be. How dare you kiss me, how dare you spend all that time playing me for a fool, and then run off with someone else at the first opportunity?"_

_His voice is louder now, more demanding, but Alex's voice fails him, and he just stands there, small and scared. Wolf carries on regardless. "You don't have anything to say? You're not trying to deny it? What's it like Cub, the feel of Fox's body pressed against yours? Was it good, Cub? Was it WORTH IT?" He screams the last two words, his face centimetres away from his, close enough for Wolf's spit to fly into his face, and for him to feel Wolf's hot, angry breaths against his skin._

_Desperately, he tries to protest. "No, it isn't like that, Wolf, I promise! Fox…" Wolf backhands him across the face, and the sharp pain burns the side of his face like fire._

"_Don't play me for a fool, Cub. You left me, you left willingly. You're a spy, remember? If you had wanted to escape, you could have done. You could have left just as easily as I got here. There's nothing stopping you, you just don't want to." The dark eyes stare into his, accusing and full of hate._

"_Please, Wolf, that's not true." He begged, refusing to let the tears in his eyes escape and roll down his cheeks. His vision blurred, and he poured out every single iota of truth and sincerity he had in the next three words, "I love you." In those few brief syllables, he opened his heart, and held back nothing._

_Wolf's reply, when it comes, shatters him completely and breaks his heart: not in two, but into innumerable tiny pieces that he could never hope to put back together. "I HATE YOU!" Wolf yelled the words at him, throwing his love back in his face. He cannot doubt the feeling in Wolf's voice as he yells, and he finally loses his battle with the salty tears that blur his vision. They escape, tumbling down his face one by one like lemmings to the slaughter, and his vision clears enough for him to see the expression of complete and utter hate on Wolf's features._

_Wolf is screaming at him, hurling abuse as fast as the words can leave his mouth, and each shouted word hits him like a battering ram, though he is deaf to the words themselves; he can only hear the frenzied hate. He presses himself harder against the object at his back, trying desperately to escape Wolf's angry tirade…._

The screaming hasn't stopped, but Alex realised that the surface he was pressed up against was the wall on one side of his bed. He was shaking violently, and tears covered his face and wet the sheets. The taste of blood in his mouth remained; he had bitten his lip. After a moment, he could make out the words that were being screamed, "I don't believe it! I just don't believe it! Another goal for XXX! He just tapped it in there, beautifully done, and the goalie was nowhere to be seen! It's an amazing score, Unbelievable!!! A hat trick for YYY's team, securing their place at the top of the league…"

It was just the football; Fox must have the radio on downstairs. Wolf hadn't been here, saying all those things. It wasn't real. That was the thought that Alex held onto as he clutched the covers; Wolf didn't hate him – it was just a nightmare. Another gust of cold air blew into his face, and reluctantly, Alex turned, but no-one was there; the room was empty and only the curtain blew in the breeze, the window opened half-way.

Alex got up on shaky legs and closed the widow with a bang before collapsing back on the bed. It was one of his greatest fears, one that had been playing on his mind ever since Fox had first told him that he'd told Wolf to stay away, and never even think about coming back. Did Wolf blame Alex? Did he think that Alex had wanted him to stay away? Did he hate Alex for not running away and back to Wolf's house?

For a moment, he considered just getting up and leaving now, but just like all the other times he'd thought about it, he stayed put. It was only one thing stopping him, and finally, Alex was able to define it. It was fear. He was afraid that if he went back Wolf would hate him, or that he'd discover that Wolf had just been using him because he was convenient and easy. If that had been all it was, then Wolf would reject him now he was more trouble than it was worth.

He'd faced down psychopaths and assassins, but that had been easy compared to the idea of putting himself at Wolf's mercy. He loved the SAS soldier, no matter how perverted the idea might be, or how moody Wolf might be. He loved him with everything he had, and he was scared that Wolf didn't feel the same.

* * *

**A.N. ** A massive thank you to everyone who reviewed; that's Shadowgal, bananacupcakes (cool name), La Sang De La Morte Iceprincess, EriKa, C.J. and Tizzygirl

I hope you enjoyed – please review and tell me what you thought


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N. **This is embarrassingly short and rushed, and I'm sorry. I had coursework this week, and my teacher likes to leave things to the last minute; all the other groups had finished their coursework before we started, and our teacher gave us some things that we might want to look at whilst 'polishing up' our coursework (which was due in today) yesterday. You get the idea – my week has been hell, and I have redrafted this coursework soooo many times.

It didn't really leave much time for writing this, but a certain someone, who will remain nameless *ahem* Tizzy… *cough cough cough* …girl *clears throat* insisted that I post something before I disappear of on yet another Duke of Edinburgh practice hike . And I wanted to see my next birthday, so I've posted without even reading through. If you find mistakes, please tell me and I'll correct them a.s.a.p.

Chapter Six

Snake's phone was ringing, and the first thing that became obvious was that Eagle had tampered with the ringtone again. "_I like big butts and I cannot lie…_" Glaring, Snake marched over, fully expecting it to be Eagle on the phone, laughing. But when he checked the caller ID, the name that came up made him freeze, his had hovering precariously over the' accept' button.

Wolf. He hadn't spoken to Wolf since Fox's revelation. He wasn't sure quite what to make of it. His first response had been denial; after all, Snake hadn't even known Wolf was gay, and they'd spent months at SAS camp sleeping in the same room. Not only that, but Wolf had professed to hate Cub with every fibre of his being at the SAS camp; he'd done everything possible to get the teenager binned. It seemed an impossible turn around.

But then he'd realised that this was _Fox_. The same Fox who had been best mates with Wolf before he moved to MI6, and had been close friends with Wolf even after that. There was no possible reason for him to make it up. And, suddenly, it had all fallen into place. The panic attack, he now realised, must have been triggered by Wolf's advances, Wolf's refusal to let him come around to check up on his 'ward', and suddenly Wolf's actions all made sense. He should have realised. He thought that he was a better judge of character than that.

And that was when he'd decided that he hated Wolf. He hadn't ever thought that he'd befriend someone who could sink that low, and he hadn't ever imagined that an SAS man; a principled, moral man, part of Britain's elite, could do something so vile. He had hated the way Wolf lied to them, and his hypocrisy. More than that, he didn't want anything to do with the kind of bastard who could abuse a child; especially one who had been raped.

It had taken him a few days to sort out the turmoil in to something vaguely logical, and Snake had finally come to reconcile himself with the thought that maybe, just maybe, Wolf genuinely had loved the kid. He'd been out of his mind with worry all the time Cub was missing, and his reaction to Cub's hospitalisation proved that he did have some feelings for the boy, however misplaced and perverted those feelings might be. It didn't make what he had done to Cub right, and it certainly wasn't enough to make him forgive Wolf, but he didn't hate him anymore.

It was his conflicting thoughts which had meant he ignored the phone. Had he hated Wolf still, he would have answered, if only to personally attack him, although Fox had done plenty of that single-handed. He might not hate Wolf, but he certainly still blamed Wolf. Whether he loved the boy or not, he should never have acted on his feelings when the boy was so confused and emotionally scarred already. It was for that reason that he couldn't forgive him either, and he didn't know if he was capable of a civil conversation with him either.

Eventually, the phone went onto voicemail, the song (finally!) over, and Snake listened to the message as it recorded. "_Hi Snake, It's Wolf. I know you don't want to talk right now, and I guess I understand, but… is Cub alright? I know you think I don't care, and you're wrong. Just send me a text or something telling me that he's okay and he's being properly looked after, and I'll believe you. I'll stay away if that's what you want, but I just need to know that he's alright_."

Snake stared at his phone for a long moment after his phone had beeped to signal the end of the message. Wolf had sounded awkward and slightly… choked. On anyone else, Snake would have identified that noise as the sort of noise someone who was trying really hard not to cry might make – but Wolf never cried.

He listened to the recorded message one more time, and then sighed and put his coat on. He and Fox needed to talk about this.

---

"Are you sure that this is what you want?" Ben asked, probably for the hundredth time by now. Each time, Alex had looked a little less sure, but had still nodded determinedly. Ben turned away, a slight frown wrinkling his brow. He still wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing. Then he put the keys in the ignition and started the car, remembering the conversation that he and Alex had had after Snake had left….

"How do you feel about Wolf, Alex?" Alex had looked at him over the top of his slice of pizza and raised an eyebrow.

With a slight smirk, Alex had asked, "What are you, my new shrink? I know I said Mr Harvey was bad, but that was hardly an invitation to take his place." Ben wasn't fooled. Alex might look comfortable, and he might have a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth, but Ben had seen the way his eyes seemed to darken slightly. He didn't reply, and when Alex saw the concerned look on Ben's face, he sighed.

"I'm fine. I know you think Wolf was abusing me, or whatever, but he didn't. If I asked him to stop, he would have done."

"Why didn't you ask him to stop?"

There was a brief flash of anger, quickly hidden and controlled. Alex looked down, and after a long moment, he looked back up and met Ben's eyes. "I didn't want him to."

Ben tried to digest the information. "So, you wouldn't mind meeting him again?"

Alex sighed, and this time the anger was obvious. "Of course I wouldn't! _I _didn't ask to leave in the first place, did I? As per usual, someone else decided that for me – while I was unconscious!"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What would have been the point? You wouldn't have changed your mind." Ben had to admit that Alex might have a point.

"So, if I arranged for him to meet up with us…?"

Alex looked shocked, and then faintly panicked. Eventually, his face had settled on hesitant determination. "I'd like that."

…And that was how he'd ended up driving to a restaurant to meet up with his least favourite ex-best friend.

---

Even though Eagle could be relied upon to be late, almost religiously, he had arrived fifteen minutes early, only to discover to his dismay that Wolf was already there, waiting outside the restaurant. Despite his immense dislike of the situation, he got out of his car and went to stand outside as well; the idea had always been that he would get there early as a moral support for Fox and Cub. He barely glanced at his team's leader as he went to stand a good few feet away from him to wait for the others to arrive.

Snake arrived next, and gave Wolf an assessing look. He certainly didn't greet Wolf, but then, he hadn't been outwardly hostile, unlike Eagle, who had decided to ignore Wolf completely, instead glaring across the car park to Wolf's car, leaving Wolf slightly apprehensive and wondering if his car was about to spontaneously combust.

Fox and Cub arrived at two o'clock exactly, revealing how much time Fox had spent worrying about the meeting. Both glanced at Wolf; Fox's glance full of mistrust and concern for his charge, but Cub's gaze was inscrutable, and brief, as Eagle stepped between the two with his back to Wolf saying cheerfully, "Cub! I haven't seen you this week! How are you? Did you have fun with Tom last weekend?" The intense round of questions wasn't unusual for Eagle, but the faint undertone of aggression and animosity, no doubt directed at Wolf, was.

"Yeh, it was good. The movie wasn't scary though."

"What did you go and see?"

"Err… Cold Blooded (1)" Even though Wolf couldn't see his face, his former ward sounded somewhat guilty. In the next breath, he discovered why.

"Isn't that an eighteen?"Eagle enquired.

Fox's expression took on a somewhat scary look. "Alex…" He warned.

"How did you get in?" Eagle enquired, ignoring Snake and Fox's protests.

Cub shrugged. "Easy." He said. "I just walked up and brought the tickets."

"Cuuub" Fox said, dragging out the warning. "You're fifteen, and so is Tom."

"I showed them my I.D." Cub said, innocently

"A _fake_ I.D."

"You can't stop me watching eighteens. I've seen worse in real life." Then he played his trump card. "The movies help me deal with it, you know? They make it seem less real." When Fox didn't reply, Wolf knew Cub had won. Eagle knew that too, because the moment Fox looked away, he ruffled the kid's hair, impressed. Wolf caught himself before he bit his lip.

Lunch was awkward, and Eagle had, definitely and obviously, shuffled Cub into the chair furthest away from Wolf's, limiting any conversation between the two. Eagle ignored Wolf completely, and dedicated the meal whole-heartedly to keeping Wolf away from Cub. Fox made a few brief, awkward overtures towards Wolf, and seemed to tense every time Wolf so much as glanced in his ex-ward's direction. Only Snake appeared to make an effort to talk to Wolf as per usual, although he failed quite spectacularly. Wolf didn't remember it being this awkward the first time they'd met.

Cub seemed to be completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere through what Wolf suspected was a great deal of experience of explosive situations, and a great deal of practice at poker-faces. The only sign that he had noticed the taut atmosphere at all was the more-than-usual attention he paid to his knife and fork, and the regular glances in Wolf's direction. Wolf wished that he was more adept at reading expressions, or that Cub would give him any indication at all of his feelings. Each brief glance seemed to send a bolt of electricity down his spine, even when he wasn't even looking at Cub.

After what felt like the hundredth shock, he plunged his knife into the plate that a waiter had just laid before him, taking a bite of some tasteless substance and chewing.

---

Cub had known from the moment that he and Fox had pulled up in the car park why Eagle and Snake were so early. They were trying to protect him from Wolf, as though they expected Wolf to make some sort of move on him in a public place. It was sweet, he supposed, as was Fox's obvious concern, but irritating. Particularly when he wanted to try to work out Wolf's feelings, which was difficult when every time Eagle saw him glance in Wolf's direction, he started a conversation with him, forcing him to look away again to reply.

Eventually, Cub decided that it was easier to assess Wolf in quick regular, sketching glances. From what he could tell, Wolf seemed ill at ease, even more so than the others, which was saying something, as he had a sneaking suspicion that Fox's chair was red-hot from the way that he was shifting so often.

When their meals arrived after what seemed like three hours of awkwardness, he took to opportunity to take a closer look at Wolf whilst Eagle was finally distracted by the arrival of the food. He watched the way Wolf cut the meat with short, jerky movements and chewed ferociously on the mouthful, and felt his heart simultaneously sink. Wolf was angry, he concluded with a nervous sip of lemonade. And if he was angry, that was his, Cub's fault.

Cub battled to keep his features even as he received his own plate of food. Maybe Wolf wasn't interested in him like he had thought. He clearly didn't want to be here. Violently, Cub pushed the wavering bubble of dejection to the back of his mind. He could cry about it later, when he was alone.

---

Wolf arrived back at home and tossed his keys on the floor in the hall. He didn't know why he was so upset. All he had wanted when he had phoned Snake was to know that his Cub was alright. Snake hadn't simply told him, he had got to see that for himself, and judging from the answers that Alex had given to some of Eagle's incessant questions, even school was better now.

It was obvious that Alex was happy, and a week ago, he had been desperate just to be told that by someone. It was just that… seeing his ex-ward again had brought back all the feelings of loss that he'd felt when he'd first arrived back to an empty home after meeting the guys at the pub. It was irrevocable, and Wolf feared it could be just as permanent.

Wolf hadn't managed to properly talk to Cub at all, and it was only when it was denied to him that he realised just how much he'd been hoping to.

It shouldn't matter. It shouldn't. What should matter was that Cub was happy, and he was. Wolf knew that that should be final. He should be happy that Cub was happy, but he wasn't. He wanted Cub back, badly, and one thing that had been clear today was that that would never happen.

Cub was happy, and Wolf knew he needed to let him go, but it hurt, more than anything else he could have imagined.

* * *

(1)If there is a film with this name, then sorry. I certainly haven't seen it if there is.

**A.N. **So… this seemed like a good place to stop, even though I originally planned this to be longer. Because of that, I am unsure whether I will continue with what I had planned next chapter, or begin the end…

With regards to ending, I am considering three possible options:

1) no Alex/Wolf

2) Alex/Wolf

3) Wolf leaves, but they met several years later = eventual Alex/Wolf

Some of you have already told me what you would like, but if anyone else would like to tell me their opinion, review and let me know!

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciated all of the comments that have been left! :-)


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N. **This is the longest I've ever had between updates, and I really am sorry. I needed to work through the different options in my head, and I've had other stuff going on as well, but I'm back! This chapter is probably a little short, but it's the last one before I split of into the different options (I've decided to write all three… kind of.). Because I'm writing three different plots before I next update, and I've got AS exams approaching *shudder* it might be another longer wait (although hopefully not as long as this one), just to warn you. So I'll apologise in advance.

Chapter Seven

"So, Alex, you've been back with us for a while now." The football coach observed at the end of one P.E. lesson. Alex stood next to him, slightly sweaty and breathing slightly heavier than normal. "And from what I understand, your absences were necessary."

"Yes, sir." Alex confirmed quietly, and the coach studied him carefully. The change of guardian had done him good, the coach decided. The dark, bruise-like shadows underneath Alex's eyes had faded over time, although they had never quite disappeared, and he seemed a little more relaxed, even if he wasn't _quite_ the same boy he had been before his uncle had died.

Not all the changes were for the bad, however. He had matured, and his football skills and stamina had certainly improved, as evidenced by the fact the boy was already breathing evenly again.

"Considering the circumstances, I wondered if you would consider training with the team after school again." He eyed the boy's build and added, "You might want to try out for the school cross-country as well."

To his somewhat startled surprise, the boy grinned, an expression that lit up his whole face and went some way towards getting rid of that odd, adult look in his eyes. "I'd love to, sir. I'll let my guardian know that I'll be staying late tonight."

The coach nodded. "Good." He said.

The fair-haired teen turned to follow the rest of his class into the changing rooms, and then stopped and turned back for a second. The look on his face was surprisingly grateful as he said quietly, "Thank you, sir."

Looking back on their discussion earlier that day, the coach reflected that really the thanks wasn't necessary, or if it was, then they should have swapped places. Rider had always been good at football – it had been a shame to have to drop him from the team – but now he was brilliant, running rings around the defenders from the other side, even though his year's team were playing against the year above, a year that he happened to be very proud of; especially the defenders.

If he had to find a fault, then it would perhaps be teamwork; Alex didn't pass the ball perhaps as often as the coach would like. That aside, Rider was an excellent player, and the teamwork would come with practice, he was sure of it. Alex had been a team player before, after all, and with a little bit of practice and familiarisation, he would be perfectly capable of gelling completely with his peers again. He watched, not just a little impressed as Rider slid the ball between a defender's legs – how, the coach couldn't be entirely sure – and popped the ball in the back of the net.

Oh, yes, Alex Rider was back on the team without even a shadow of a doubt. The coach blew the final whistle for the end of practice – it was six o'clock already after all, and was pleased to see Alex in the midst of his team, being congratulated and congratulating, before walking towards a man who had been leaning against his car, watching the final minutes of the game. The man smiled and ruffled the boy's hair, and the coach could help but be glad. He remembered the few times that his uncle had arrived to watch a match, and the way the younger boy's face had lit up, when he saw him. Even then, however, his uncle had never arrived to pick him up for practice.

Alex faked a smile as he finished his dinner; it was an easy matter to pretend that he was alright. He did all the usual, normal things; he promised to be careful, to take his phone, to be back at a reasonable hour…all perfectly average, normal things.

As the front door closed behind him, the smiling face smashed like a china mask, leaving a blank, unreadable expression, more like Blunt's emotionless gaze than Alex would ever realise: the last resort of a spy.

Quick, sharp footsteps took Alex through the park, and then, twenty minutes later he reached the Youth Centre. At this time of day, it was abandoned, locked up and empty, but he didn't mind; that was, after all, what he had hoped for. Walking down the driveway, he sat up against the wall and drew his knees up, completing the little-boy-lost look.

The expression in the brown eyes, however, was anything but young. No _child_ could ever have that empty, world-weary look in his eyes, the look of a war veteran. The eyes stared, motionless and unblinking, at the wall opposite, taking in the slightly crumbling cement between the bricks, and the ivy clinging gamely onto the tired old bricks. Gradually, without seeming to move or blink, the unsettling gaze travelled upwards, cripplingly slowly, and missing nothing. They observed the willow just in front of the wall, its foliage seeming to droop under its own weight, and continued upwards to a blue sky that continued on forever, broken up by cotton-candy clouds.

The chirping of a few birds – he didn't particularly care what species – seemed to echo in his head, and somehow, gradually the innocent chatter morphed into a cacophony of condemning voices. Accompanying the sound was a sideshow of images running through his head.

_The explosion as the helicopter and the snow mobile collided; Dr Grief's face looking back at him, full of shock and horror… _

_Ash, a bullet wound bleeding almost sluggishly, the man who had killed his parents, been betrayed by Blunt and been his godfather, dead, eyes glassy and unseeing… _

_Yassen Gregorvitch, dying on a plane, his final words rattling in his chest: "Find Scorpia. Find you destiny."… _

_General Alexei Sarov, a gun to his head, "Be my son, Alex – Rule by my side" and then the clicking of the safety and the single shot… an unknown man tumbling of the ladder to a watery grave…_

_The man sneered. "Ready, Abbad?" The man reached out towards him, and he attacked, kicking the man as hard as he could in the chest before smashing the man's nose upwards with the palm of his hand…_

Without realising it, Alex was rocking backwards and forwards, his expression slack, his eyes unfocused. His consciousness was focusing inwards, facing accusing faces.

"_Two CIA agents, Alex. Two of our best." The American spymaster's face showed his disgust… _

_Paul Drevin hatred shining clear in his face. "You took my dad away from me, Alex. How could you ruin my life? We were friends"… _

_Sabina Pleasure, face odd without the easy going smile, her hair a mess, blood and dirt covering her face "You shouldn't have gotten me involved, Alex. I didn't deserve this."… _

_Mrs Jones, face shocked. "You tried to kill me Alex; you're evil, one of THEM. You've betrayed us, Alex, and your parents. What would your uncle say?"... _

_Jack's eyes, accusing, red head shaking "They sent me back to the united States, Alex, all because of you. You made me worry about you, every time you left. How could you? I guess I shouldn't have worried, you're too selfish to die, aren't you?"… _

_Wolf, his face as hard as the first time they met. "I don't love __you__, Alex. You're just a messed up, dirty little whore. Double-o-nothing was right all along, wasn't it, Alex, because that's all you are. A dirty, filthy little nothing…_

The trembling had progressed to shudders that shook his entire body. His lungs seized, and Alex could hear his own desperate wheezing echoing loudly in his ears. Alex tried to fight the panic, realising what was happening, but it was too late, and he couldn't breathe properly. The world was spinning, and Alex felt the nausea growing even as the black spot started to grow in the corners of his vision. He shut his eyes tightly and brought his arms up protectively around his face.

He couldn't breathe, and this time, Wolf wasn't there to save him and would never be there for him again… Wolf hated him, hadn't even been able to bring himself to look at him at the restaurant. Alex tried – and failed – to get more oxygen into his lungs, and then gave up. He'd faced down psychopaths and deadly criminal organisations, and now, as if that didn't mean a thing, he was going to die here, in front of a Youth Centre, from a stupid panic attack.

He felt a sharp pain along one side of his body, and realised that this was almost the end; he couldn't even hold himself upright anymore.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**A.N.** Please let me know what you think, and thank you to everyone who has reviewed – I'm overwhelmed by the response.

Also, happy (belated) birthday to Tizzygirl, because I haven't sent you your present yet. Sorry.

Finally, and this is important, kinda, for those of you on Story Alert: **In the next few dates, I am going to go back through all my chapters, and correct some mistakes I have seen. It'll probably show up, I think, so just to let you know it isn't anything massively important.**

Sorry it has been so long, I'm not planning on giving this up, honest


	8. Chapter 8 p1

**A.N. **Important! **THIS IS OPTION ONE!** If this wasn't the option you wanted, look ahead to Chapter 8.2 or 8.3. I am currently writing all three versions.

If you need to be reminded of the options, here they are:

1) No Alex/Wolf

2) Alex/Wolf

3) Eventual Alex/Wolf

Chapter Eight

*** *** ***Option One*** *** ***

With great effort, Cub managed to pull himself together. He had focused on every shaking breath he drew in, and gradually they became more regular, and less like the last gasp of a dying smoker. Eventually, Cub raised his head from his knees, and noticed with surprise that the sky was in that awkward stage just between day and night, where the sun had already disappeared and the streetlights were undecided whether it was dark enough for them to be needed or not.

It was late, and Alex realised with a start that Ben would be worried by now. He stood up slowly and leant up against the wall of the Youth Centre as pins and needles raced down his legs and settled in his feet, leaving no doubt as to the length of time he'd been sat there. Alex closed his eyes and waited as his feet continued to prickle painfully, enjoying the way that his feeling was gradually returning.

Five minutes later, he finally set off home, through a maze of quiet suburban streets, occasionally hearing drunken laughter in the next street, or starting slightly as an engine roared past, briefly illuminating him in glaring white lights.

He was most of the way back when his mobile rung and he dug it out of his pocket. It was an old model, one that Ian and Jack had brought him jointly for his birthday a few years ago. He had expected it would be Ben, calling to ask where he was, but when he checked the caller ID, it said Tom H.

He hit accept. "Hi Tom."

"Hey, Al, do you know what the homework was for Geography?"

"Why, Tom, you disappoint me. It looked like you were taking some quite detailed notes when I looked over at you."

"Well, I _have _got a really detailed likeness of Ben 10 in my notes." Tom confessed.

Alex smiled, somewhat relieved to hear Tom's familiar cheerfulness after the episode earlier. "It's the exercise on p.294 of the textbook about population structure and that."

"Oh _yeah_!" Tom said, sounding like he was having an epiphany. Alex rather hoped it wasn't _too_ painful for him. "I think I remember something about that, you know. Thanks, Al!"

The call ended rather abruptly, but Alex was used to that from Tom. Sometimes he wondered how Tom would end a call if he really _was_ in a rush. He turned onto his street, and realised that all the streetlights had turned on by now, leaving evenly spaced pools of light preceding him down the road.

Finally, he jogged up the steps to the front door and let himself in, to be greeting by an anxious Ben. "Where were you? I was about to phone you."

Alex allowed himself to look slightly abashed. "I'm sorry. I was just sorting… stuff… out in my head, and I guess I lost track of time."

"And did you sort it all out?" Ben asked.

Alex actually smiled, the concern in Ben's voice reiterating his own feelings of contentment. "Yeah, I did, actually."

Ben's face broke out into a smile. "Good. You look better for it, you know. Whatever it was that you sorted out, you look happier. Something just didn't seem quite right before, you know?"

Alex looked somewhat startled. "Was it that obvious? I thought I was handling it all quite well."

Ben just laughed and shook his head slightly at that. "You might be a teenage spy, Alex, but you're not super human. Speaking of teenage spies, the bank called."

Alex felt himself tense. "They did?" He asked, his voice not sounding quite steady, even to his own ears.

"They did." Ben confirmed, and yet, something was missing from his response. A glimpse of anger, or fear maybe, at the idea of a teenager doing the government's dirty work. "They want you to come in, tomorrow, after school. They're going to discuss payment for all the missions that you've undertaken."

For a moment, Alex couldn't quite find the words. "They're going to _pay_ me?" He repeated gobsmacked.

"Yes. I'm hoping that they'll also agree not to use you again, but we'll have to see."

Alex let out a joyful cry and leapt at Ben, wrapping his arms around the young man in delight. To his credit, Ben merely swayed, and stayed upright. After a moment's hesitation, warm arms wrapped themselves around his young charge. "I thought you might be pleased. What say we go and celebrate tomorrow night?"

The familiar building and horrendous 'offers' on display in the Royal and General seemed somewhat less imposing with Ben by his side and the knowledge that Ben was _on _his side.

Blunt and Jones themselves hadn't changed at all though. Blunt was still nondescript, grey and emotionless, and Mrs Jones still smelt slightly of mint. For once, however, Mrs Jones took the lead. "As you know, Alex, in light of recent events, we have decided to offer you payment for the jobs that you've done for us."

Here, Blunt chose to add his argument. "As you know, Alex, we can't offer you payment for the independent work you did for Crawley and the CIA, the Damien Cray incident, or the Scorpia fiasco -"

"- The first half of the Scorpia incident, that is." Mrs Jones interrupted quickly. "The second half, seeing as you did have an assignment, we will pay in full."

Blunt didn't look happy at the concession, although Alex couldn't be sure that it wasn't just his imagination. Nonetheless, he chose to take up the reins again at this point. "Considering you age, we will offer you our typical entry level salary."

"Entry level salary?" Ben repeated. "With all due respect, Alex certainly hasn't been doing typical entry-level assignments. From what I understand of it, his first assignment was to take directly over from his uncle, who was one of your top agents, and had died in the line of duty, demonstrating the high risk level involved."

"Perhaps we can work something out." Mrs Jones agreed, mediating between the two. "Alex has been doing some higher level assignments, but he isn't required to do paperwork, and some of his methods have been somewhat… unorthodox. Shooting the Prime Minister, for example -"

"Unorthodox, but successful. Alex has an extraordinary success rating, and he hasn't had a great deal of expensive training like many of your other agents, nor have you needed the office space for him, which is costly." Ben countered.

"But we have had to fund Alex, which has included, but is not limited to, paying for Ian's house, paying for his various guardians, the first of which was Jack Starbright. In addition, we have had to offer large incentive to the Chinese triads, Scorpia and other organisations to leave him alone." Alan Blunt countered, and Alex wondered if his poker face regularly came in useful for bargaining.

"You would have offered those incentives for any agent, more so for Alex, because there would have been a scandal that you couldn't have hoped to keep from the newspapers. There is also the issue of leave, or the lack of it. Not only have you been sacrificing his education, but he has also been on missions directly after leaving hospital, having been injured in the line of duty, which should require extra pay as compensation."…

Later, as Alex was crawling into bed, he remembered the bargaining and smiled gently. They'd eventually agreed on what Alex personally considered to be quite a hefty fee, not that he'd mentioned that. Indeed, Ben had been looking rather outraged at the eventual agreement, despite reluctantly agreeing in the end, although Alex couldn't be sure quite how much of that outrage had been genuine. All the same, it would get him through university without needing to even consider taking out a loan, probably with quite a bit left over.

All Ben had said on the matter before dragging them off to a restaurant to celebrate, was that there had been no guarantees made that he wouldn't be used again, and even if he wasn't used again, Blunt would probably offer him a job when he became the right age. Alex didn't mind. Once he was of age, they wouldn't be able to blackmail him, and he _might_ even chose to go back. It was a long way off yet, anyway.

He could be happy, he decided. He'd been back at school for a longer time than he'd managed since before his uncle had died, enough time to not only catch up on everything he'd missed, but to rejoin the football team and even begin renewing old friendships.

Thanks to Ben and the more believable explanation for all Alex's absences, the teachers had started regarding Alex as more than just a lost cause again, and their change of attitude, even if nothing was actually said due the 'classified' nature of the 'attacks', had gone a long way towards changing his peers opinions, or at least making them look again.

Alex had only had to let a few comments slip about a 'government security official' coming to 'explain things' to Tom in the hearing of the school gossips, and word had spread.

So, life was good. It was another chance at a normal life, and while his life could never be completely normal living with Ben, and after all that had happened to him, that was alright. Alex wasn't sure if he could have gone back to being completely normal, anyway. As it was, he was back to getting good grades, and spending a large amount of time with Ben, Snake and Eagle at the local shooting range, where his Scorpia training stood him in good stead for earning a little extra money off of a few bets.

Yes, life was very good, in fact. And if the one cloud in the otherwise blue sky was that he and Wolf were no longer 'together', even in the loosest sense of the word, then that was a good deal, even if occasionally it was still a little bit painful.

….

**A.N. **Thank you for being patient andI'm sorry that it's been so long – really I am. I thought that after AS's I would have some time; sadly, so did my teachers, and as a consequence, I had even less time than before. Still, since I still have under an hour left until midnight, I think I have sort of fulfilled my promise to some of my reviewers to post by the end of the week. =D

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted or favourite me or my story – it's been lovely to get all the emails throughout the exams, and has made me even more determined to finish this chapter (or is it three chapters?) for you. I'll try to update faster next time!

**Please try the other two options as well and see what you think – I hope that they are different enough to maintain your interest!**


	9. Chapter 8 p2

**A.N. **Important! **THIS IS OPTION TWO!** If this wasn't the option you wanted, go to Chapter 8.1 or 8.3. I am currently writing all three versions.

If you need to be reminded of the options, here they are:

1) No Alex/Wolf

2) Alex/Wolf

3) Eventual Alex/Wolf

Chapter Eight

*** *** ***Option Two*** *** ***

Wolf had jogged the same route for years. It was an eight mile run which took him around an hour, and he suspected that he could practically run it blindfolded by now. Once he'd asked Cub if he'd wanted to join him, and from his position sprawled on the sofa, his ward had raised an expressive eyebrow. "Routine is what gets people killed, Wolf." He'd said, and when Wolf had accused him of being lazy, Cub had smirked without even bothering to deny it.

_Cub_. The thought of the teenager hurt more than he had expected it to, and Wolf ignored the burning in his lungs and put on a burst of speed, as if he was unconsciously hoping that he would be able to out-run those thoughts. Cub was happy, he reminded himself. That was all that mattered. Cub could easily have come and found him, if he had wanted to. He hadn't. As much as he hated to admit it, it was he who missed Cub and not the other way around.

Wolf was so focused on blocking out the thoughts that he almost missed the wheezing gasps coming from someone outside of the youth centre. It was tucked down a side road, away from immediate scrutiny, and his first thought was that it was a tramp. As he jogged over to try to help, the figure slumped, and it was only when he turned the body over, subconsciously noticing that the clothes were too nice for his to be a homeless person, that he recognised him.

"Cub!" His first, terrifying thought was that Cub was dying, and he was brought back, abruptly to when they had found Cub in the rainforest. It was only when the panic receded enough from Wolf to observe the full-body tremors, the rapid breathing and the way Alex was clutching his chest that he realised that Cub was having a panic attack.

With an odd sense of déjà vu, Wolf found himself entreating the boy to take slower, deeper breaths and counting to three. At some point, his hand had crept off to start rubbing circles on Cub's back without his conscious command, but when he realised, Wolf decided to leave his hand where it was.

With great effort, Cub managed to pull himself together. He had focused on every shaking breath he drew in, and gradually they became more regular, and less like the last gasp of a dying smoker. Eventually, Cub raised his head from his knees, and noticed with surprise that the sky was in that awkward stage just between day and night, where the sun had already disappeared and the streetlights were undecided whether it was dark enough for them to be needed or not.

That was when he turned to look at the person who had helped him, and the words of thanks had died on his tongue as he realised who it was. He staggered upright, collapsing back against the wall of the Youth Centre as pins and needles shot down his legs, leaving no doubt as to the length of time that he had been there.

"Wolf?" Alex gasped. The echo of his imagination sounded in his head – _I don't love __you__, Alex_ – and then the more real image of Wolf violently stabbing into his meat at the restaurant as though he would like nothing more than for it to be Alex that he was destroying with the knife. Shock turned to anger, and when Wolf reached out – to help? To comfort? To hurt? – Alex shoved him away with a fury that surprised even him.

Through gritted teeth, Alex spat out, "Get away from me!" Wolf moved his arm away, and Alex could almost mistake his expression for one of hurt. "I hate you! You liar! I thought you…that we were… You fucking LIAR!" Alex was screaming, and enough of the feeling had returned in his legs that when he went to run away, his legs stumblingly obeyed him. Wolf made no move to follow.

It was late, and Alex realised with a start that Ben would be worried by now. He ran through the maze of quiet suburban streets, occasionally hearing drunken laughter in the next street, or starting slightly as an engine roared past, briefly illuminating him in glaring white lights.

He turned onto Ben's street, and realised that all the streetlights had turned on by now, leaving evenly spaced pools of light preceding him down the road. Inexplicably, he found himself avoiding the light, and wondering if all the normal people sitting in front of their television screens would think he was a criminal skulking down their road under cover of darkness.

He couldn't avoid the automatic motion-sensor light outside Ben's front door if he wanted to go in, and so he was finally lit up as he found his keys. When he let himself in, he found an anxious-looking Ben waiting for him.

"Are you alright?" Ben asked, and took a good look at the kid in front of him. His eyes were red-rimmed, and his face was a few shades too pale. His clothes were dishevelled, and his hair was sticking up at odd angles. Realising the obvious answer was 'no', he asked instead, "What happened, Alex?"

That question proved to be too much, and Alex burst into tears, collapsing into Ben's arms. He heard the soft noise of Ben closing the door behind them before Ben wrapped him in his arms and let him cry like a child. After about five minutes, when the floods of tears showed no signs of stopping, Alex felt himself being lifted up and carried into the lounge, where Ben plopped unceremoniously onto the sofa with a lap full of sobbing teenager and waited patiently for the fifteen-year-old to gain some semblance of control and a measure of coherency.

It took a while but eventually, Alex was reduced to a subdued, sniffling, hiccupping mess. Ben eased the fifteen-year-old off of his legs with relief, and found the box of tissues, grabbing a handful and offering them to the trembling teen.

Alex dutifully wiped his face and blew his nose with a shaky, "Thanks."

If it hadn't have been a serious moment, Ben knew without doubt that he would have smiled. The teenaged spy – MI6's 'secret weapon' – had a smudge of dirt of one cheek, ruffled hair, glistening eyes and a red nose. He looked unbelievably child-like and _cute_. He filed the information away for teasing later.

"I hate him." Alex declared, hiccupping and dissolving into further, somewhat more subdued sobs.

Ben channelled that deadly combination oh his mother and grandmother and asked gently, "Why don't you tell me what happened?"

Despite channelling his female relatives, Ben was somewhat surprised when Alex automatically obliged and begun detailing what had occurred after he had left the house that evening.

Alex determinedly _didn't_ look at the damp patch on Ben's shirt as he went through the details of his evening. When he finished, in a decidedly calmer, steadier tone than when he had set out, Ben hugged him again, and Alex allowed the embrace.

Ben wasn't Wolf; he didn't feel like him, or even smell like him, but he was comforting in another way, a way that reminded him a little of Jack. It made him wonder silently if this was what having a dad would have felt like, or if, had he been a more emotional man, hugging Uncle Ian would have felt like this – warm, safe and secure.

All of a sudden, Alex felt like a hormonal teenage girl and let out an embarrassed breath. He was barely aware of Ben getting up and going to the kitchen, and accepted the mug of hot chocolate a minute later with the same blank-eyed stare.

After a further minute of silence, Ben offered his opinion for the first time since Alex had walked in the door close to two hours ago. "I know it's hard, Alex." He'd begun, squeezing his shoulder in support. "I've known Wolf for quite a while, so believe me when I say he doesn't hate you. He might not show it, but he _does_ care about you, even though it took me a long time to realise that myself. He was more worried than I think he'll admit to even himself when you moved here after you were last in hospital."

"He wouldn't even _look_ at me when we went to that restaurant with him." Alex objected, hope and despair vying for chief position on the normally guarded face.

"Wolf is not a demonstrative man, Alex. It would have been even harder to show you that he cares when we were all there. It's just much easier for him to hide under that tough army man image. You know that – that's exactly what he was like when you came to train with us."

Alex finally lifted the mug to his mouth and took a sip, but he didn't say anything, and they lapsed back into silence as Alex drunk the hot chocolate. When he'd finished, Ben ushered him upstairs to bed before slumping back onto the sofa with a sigh.

He didn't know who he felt most sorry for: Wolf or Cub.

The next morning Alex was up before Ben was, and when Ben got downstairs, it was to find Alex fully dressed in his school uniform and rather bashfully offering him a cup of tea. "Thanks." Ben said, but he knew that the cup of tea was an apology for last night, and Alex nodded as though Ben had accepted it. After last night's heart-to-heart, both men stayed quiet, eating in a comfortable silence.

Just as Alex was leaving for school, Ben called out, "What time will you be back tonight, Alex?"

"Four thirty!" Alex yelled back, and let the door slam shut behind him.

When Alex got back from school, it was to let himself into what he assumed to be an empty house, since Ben rarely got back from work before six. He left his rucksack and school blazer on a heap in the hall floor to be dealt with in half an hour, and sauntered into the kitchen to ransack the fridge.

He froze in the doorway halfway through removing his tie when he realised that there was a man sat at the kitchen table. The man turned, and Alex's considered turning and running when he looked into Wolf's serious grey eyes.

….

**A.N. **Thank you for being patient andI'm sorry that it's been so long – really I am. I thought that after AS's I would have some time; sadly, so did my teachers, and as a consequence, I had even less time than before. Still, since I still have under an hour left until midnight, I think I have sort of fulfilled my promise to some of my reviewers to post by the end of the week. =D

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted or favourite me or my story – it's been lovely to get all the emails throughout the exams, and has made me even more determined to finish this chapter (or is it three chapters?) for you. I'll try to update faster next time!

**Please try the other two options as well and see what you think – I hope that they are different enough to maintain your interest!**


	10. Chapter 8 p3

**A.N. **Important! **THIS IS OPTION THREE!** If this wasn't the option you wanted, look back to Chapter 8.1 or 8.2. which contain the other options, as I am writing all three versions.

If you need to be reminded of the options, here they are:

1) No Alex/Wolf

2) Alex/Wolf

3) Eventual Alex/Wolf

Chapter Eight

*** *** ***Option Three*** *** ***

With great effort, Cub managed to pull himself together. He had focused on every shaking breath he drew in, and gradually they became more regular, and less like the last gasp of a dying smoker. Eventually, Cub raised his head from his knees, and noticed with surprise that the sky was in that awkward stage just between day and night, where the sun had already disappeared and the streetlights were undecided whether it was dark enough for them to be needed or not.

It was late, and Alex realised with a start that Ben would be worried by now. He stood up slowly and leant up against the wall of the Youth Centre as pins and needles raced down his legs and settled in his feet, leaving no doubt as to the length of time he'd been sat there. Alex closed his eyes and waited as his feet continued to prickle painfully, enjoying the way that his feeling was gradually returning.

Five minutes later, he finally set off home, through a maze of quiet suburban streets, occasionally hearing drunken laughter in the next street, or starting slightly as an engine roared past, briefly illuminating him in glaring white lights.

He was most of the way back when his mobile rung and he dug it out of his pocket, expecting it to be Ben. When he checked, the caller ID just said 'Untraceable', and Alex finally shrugged at it and answered anyway, reasoning a phone from Smithers would probably have something in place to prevent crazed, vengeful psychopaths from contacting him.

Clearly, however, his and Smithers' interpretations of 'crazed psychopath' differed in some key areas, because a familiar flat voice greeted him. "I hope we aren't interrupting something, Alex. We've informed your school that you won't be in school for the rest of the week for security reasons. We'll send a car round tomorrow morning at seven thirty." The call ended as abruptly as it started, and Alex noticed that as per usual, he hadn't had a chance to say anything.

In a fit of pique, Alex almost threw his phone on the floor and stamped on it – let them try to contact him then – but he knew that the show of temper would gain him nothing. He suspected that it wouldn't even damage the phone, which, after all, _was_ Smithers' creation. The realisation brought with it a sudden tiredness, and he deflated like a punctured balloon. Like the phone, MI6 were indestructible and tenacious.

He turned onto Ben's street, and realised that all the streetlights had turned on by now, leaving evenly spaced pools of light preceding him down the road. Inexplicably, he found himself avoiding the light, and wondering if all the normal people sitting in front of their television screens would think he was a criminal skulking down their road under cover of darkness.

He couldn't avoid the automatic motion-sensor light outside Ben's front door if he wanted to go in, and so he was finally lit up as he found his keys. When he let himself in, he found an anxious-looking Ben waiting for him.

"Are you alright?" Ben asked, and took a good look at the kid in front of him. His eyes were red-rimmed, and his face was a few shades too pale. His clothes were dishevelled, and his hair was sticking up at odd angles. Realising the obvious answer was 'no', he asked instead, "What happened, Alex?"

Haunted eyes looked up at him. "Blunt called. They're picking me up at 7.30 tomorrow morning." He answered, and Ben felt a wave of horror wash over him.

"Oh, Alex." Ben sighed, and took a step towards him, enveloping the teen in a hug. Cub trembled and clutched at him like he was a lifeline, and Ben instinctively rocked him and muttered reassurances as though he was a child, feeling Cub's shoulders hitch in silent tears.

Alex felt Ben's t-shirt getting damp, and sobbed harder. Ben wasn't Wolf; he didn't feel like him, or even smell like him, but he was comforting in another way, a way that reminded him a little of Jack. But unlike Jack, he understood. Jack had never understood – not really – how it felt to think you were going to die. She'd known it was a possibility, and had bemoaned the fact every time that he'd left, but she hadn't experienced the feeling for herself.

Although Ben had never really mentioned any of his missions, and they certainly hadn't had a heart-to-heart about it (they were _spies_ after all) Ben had experienced it all. And somehow, the warm arms reassured him of that fact, without a single word passing between them.

After a few minutes, Alex pulled away, dry-eyed. "I'm finished now, I think." He said, carefully. And Ben knew, even though Alex had prudently avoided looking him in the eye, that 'I'm finished' wasn't interchangeable with 'I'm fine'. Alex might have finished crying, but he wasn't _fine_; he was just back in control. Ben watched sadly as Alex pulled himself back into his shell, his eyes turning slightly harder. It was a look Ben had seen on soldiers; fully-grown, battle-hardened men. It wasn't a look he had ever wanted to see on a fifteen-year-old.

With a slight smile that didn't meet his eyes, Alex turned and left for bed where, for the first time in a long time, he thought about what it might have been like to have a mum and dad. He even wondered how different it would be if Uncle Ian were still alive. In the end, with such thoughts swirling around his head, it took him over two and a half hours to go to sleep. One a.m. the next morning found him in an uncomfortable sleep, hugging his pillow as though it were one of his dead relatives.

Without consulting each other, both men had set their alarms for 6.30. When Alex came downstairs smelling faintly of mint soap, Ben had already laid out a breakfast of bacon, eggs, sausages and toast. When Alex stopped and stared, Ben smiled a little and said, "You never know where you're going, how long the flight is going to be, or what the food will be like. It's best to be prepared for all eventualities."

The philosophy was met by a small, genuine smile and a quiet, "Thanks, Ben." What for was left unspoken- the breakfast, the time he'd spent looking after Alex, and not making a big issue out of this.

Ben's answering smile and cheery, "Eat up before I eat it for you!" was the only answer Alex ever got.

At 7.29 the black car pulled up outside and waited, giving them a chance to say a final goodbye.

"I'll let your school know that you might be away for a few weeks."

"Thanks. I'll see you, I guess."

"Of course you will. I'll be right here when you get back." Ben assured him, and Alex nodded and turned to leave, neither knowing that that was a lie.

Three weeks and five days later, upon his return to England, Mrs Jones wasted no time in telling the exhausted fifteen-year-old that his latest guardian had died. Ben had been killed whilst in Poland on a basic surveillance job that had gone horribly wrong. Alex had turned a pale, greyish colour, and gripped the desk very tightly without uttering a response.

This time, Alex was declared an emancipated teen two months before his sixteenth birthday, and was given a one bedroom flat that was a forty minute drive from Chelsea. MI6 arranged a salary on the understanding that he was allowed to complete his GCSE's independently should he so wish, but that on the first of July he was to become a full-time agent. Alex rather suspected that Blunt was hoping that he'd take the time to sort his head out, but didn't ask.

It was the best – and only – deal he was going to get, so Alex had agreed and did his best to focus on the positives only. There weren't many, admittedly; he'd been taken out of school and lost his last chance for normalcy, not to mention another parental figure. Alex spent several months trying to forget everything by burying himself in work –first school work, and then his 'new' job, complete with the new and unwelcome addition of paperwork.

When Alex eventually went back to Ben's old house, it was to see a family had moved in; a mother, father, sulky teenaged son, a daughter of about ten-going-on-twenty-five and a grinning, chocolate-ice-cream-covered six-year-old. He concluded that that was probably the best he could have wanted for the place – a family home to be filled with warmth and memories, but it didn't stop him from feeling oddly empty inside.

After a week, he'd learnt to live with the new emptiness, which had never gone away. He assured himself that after a few more years he wouldn't notice it anymore, anyway.

Yet somehow the thought of being like Alan Blunt and Tulip Jones wasn't a reassuring one.

….

**A.N. **I'm not sure about the ending; I was trying an emotionless, factual tone to try and show Alex's state of mind, and I think it might have failed – dismally. Let me know if you agree (I won't be offended) and I will try to improve it.

Thank you for being patient andI'm sorry that it's been so long – really I am. I thought that after AS's I would have some time; sadly, so did my teachers, and as a consequence, I had even less time than before. Still, since I still have under an hour left until midnight, I think I have sort of fulfilled my promise to some of my reviewers to post by the end of the week. =D

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted or favourite me or my story – it's been lovely to get all the emails throughout the exams, and has made me even more determined to finish this chapter (or is it three chapters?) for you. I'll try to update faster next time! =D

**Please try the other two options as well and see what you think – I hope that they are different enough to maintain your interest! **


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